Chloé x Jean-Jacques

Truly Selfish

Chloé knew she was a selfish person, she had always known she was a selfish person. And she really didn't care to fix that part of herself. She categorically refused to. If she was going to die without ever finding a place to belong it only seemed fair that she should get to be selfish while she was still able to draw breath.

Jean-Jacques was the one thing she wanted to hold on to right until the end and she fully intended to. True, she sometimes felt guilty for trapping him with her, but he was a vampire. A few hundred years with her was just the beginning, he had a long life ahead of him even after she was gone.

He was the one spot of happiness she had been allowed and she would not give that up for better or worse. Jean-Jacques deserved better, Chloé knew this, yet it was impossible for her to release him from her grasp. She simply couldn't do it. Chloé loved him so dearly it consumed her from the inside out.

She hadn't meant it to get this far out of hand. When she'd vowed revenge on that black shadow she hadn't realised just how much of herself she'd end up giving to him and, even worse, how much he'd give her in return. She shouldn't have indulged in his company so much, shouldn't have allowed them to get a taste for each other's blood, shouldn't have done an endless list of things. But she had. And she'd known they were mistakes even before she made them.

Jean-Jacques was everything to her. Chloé would tear the world apart for him, and not a single person could hope to stand in her way.

Unfortunately, she couldn't protect him from herself. She was going to hurt him, shatter the piece of his heart he'd given her right before his eyes. That was why she couldn't disclose her plans to him, he'd try to stop her. The lovesick fool wouldn't comprehend her reasons, he'd only want to protect her as he'd always done. She hoped he'd hate her for it. That would make it easier for him when he left Gévaudan to start a new life - a real life, not the facsimile he'd built with her.

Her alteration device was nearly complete after so very long and the time to part ways with Jean-Jacques was fast approaching. That selfishness reared its ugly head as she realised how close she was to finishing. She was beginning to stretch out the work more than necessary just to spend a few more days with Jean-Jacques before the end. But what were a few extra days when they'd already spent centuries together? She thought she'd be ready to leave Jean-Jacques when the time came, but now her hands shook as she worked on finishing her device, tears threatening to fall if she thought too hard about him.

It was silly, her reluctance to let go. She'd been planning this from the start, the only reason she remained was obligation to Jean-Jacques, getting revenge for him. Her own happiness had never been a consideration - it wasn't worth considering - even if she had occasionally allowed herself brief moments of contentment throughout the years. This was all for the sake of Jean-Jacques, the person who had treated her more dearly than anyone else.

Chloé knew that he'd be better off without her.