Soul Fire: Fight or Flight

Chapter 1

     It was one week before his birthday and Ethan Raines was a nervous wreck. He could hear the footsteps of the other people in the hallway but he couldn't concentrate. Ethan was dodging every person he could possibly upset just by existing. He couldn't afford it. There were more important things to worry about besides the regularly scheduled beatings and public humiliation. Not that he cared what these people thought about him. None of them cared about him after all. Why spare them a seconds' thought?
     Ethan rushed to his locker, twisting in his combination lock with ease. He grabbed his books and made a beeline for first period. He was so close, just a few more feet.
     "Ethan!" the call came from the other end of the hall but he could have heard it from the other end of the building. Ethan sighed as he turned around to face the co-captain of the wrestling team, Matthew Fawkes.
     Oh, so close.
     He knew running would only make it worse. He knew resisting was what they wanted, that he shouldn't give them the satisfaction. But fight or flight had a history of kicking in and making him a runner. So he ran.
     Ethan took maybe five steps before running into the brick wall that was the other co-captain, Desmond Vera. He stumbled back and tried to backtrack, but Matt had manuvered behind him and grabbed him by his jacket.
     "What's the matter, Ethan?" Desmond goaded, "You trying to run?"
     "Bad things happen to boys who run," Matt added. Ethan jerked in his grip, trying to get away. Who wrote these guys' material anyway? They sound like bad one liners from an old movie.
     "I don't think he likes us, Matty," Desmond crooned. It was like being sized up by sharks before they went in for the kill.
     "No, he loves hanging with us. A little nobody like him loves hanging with the ones at the top, right Ethan?" Matt growled. He leaned in close from behind. Although Ethan couldn't see his emerald eyes and oak brown cut, he could smell the distinct aroma of lemons that clung to the jock's skin. It made him flinch.
     His lack of response seemed to upset Matt because he grabbed Ethan's arm and twisted it behind his back. Ethan yelped and few students took notice. Some stared, others avoided eye contact, and a few laughed.
Maybe if he was lucky, Matt would make it quick and he'd only have to suffer for a minute. Desmond looked at Ethan with a grimace and grabbed him by the chin to force him to look to the side.
     "Loser like you... what do you think you're even doing here?" Desmond barked, "Don't you understand that a nobody like you should stay at home with mommy?"
     Ethan struggled now, afraid of when Desmond got like this. He'd had another fight with his dad, and that always made him violent the next day. Otherwise he never got physical, never touched him.
     Matthew tightened his grip as Desmond's fist tightened and his biceps flexed dangerously. Ethan was at this point kicking and lunging, and what few people were left in the hall scurried away for fear of being around when Desmond finally lost it.
Ethan closed his eyes and braced himself.
     "Dez, what are you doing?" the irritated latino voice heralded his savior. He sagged in Matt's grip as Desmond's older sister, Carly, rounded the corner and stomped down the hallway in four inch stilettos. Her long, black curls bounced as a backdrop to the fury in her amber eyes.
     Carly slapped Desmond in the back of his head and strut over to Ethan. All the while she berated the boys in a rapid fire of insults.
     "This is the kind of stupid mess that keeps you in ISS, Dez. What is your problem? Are you that stupid in the head? You always say he's a nobody, that he doesn't matter, but you're always picking on him, beating him up," she wirled on him at the end and grabbed his wrist to drag him away.
     Desmond was seething but said nothing as he moved to follow his sister. Everyone knew no matter how angry he became, he'd never hurt his sister. Even Matthew wasn't on the safe list.
     Speaking of...
     Matthew still had a death grip on him despite the altercation clearly being over. Matt leaned against Ethan's ear and whispered or more likely growled, "You got lucky today."
Matt tossed Ethan against the lockers, hard. Ethan rubbed his shoulder. It was gonna bruise, no doubt about it. He wasn't going to complain, though. It could have been worse. Accepting this as a victory, Ethan scampered off to class.
     He tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying, but he was weeks ahead of the class anyways so there wasn't really a point in him bothering. He was only trying to keep his mind off of the disaster that would be next week when his life would potentially end. His 18th birthday. It was going to be the worst day of his life.
     Everyone was always so excited, because they had friends and family to celebrate the day with, to celebrate what would be an amazing milestone in their lives. Ethan wouldn't have that chance. He was afraid of his birthday. Ethan had never cared for them much, but as it loomed closer and closer to his 18th birthday he could only look upon the day and every day after with dread. Like everyone else in the world, his soul would finally be able to connect to the person he was meant to be with. His Soulfire would burn bright, straight from his chest. The closer he got to them, the brighter it would glow and the warmer it would get until it was shining on his chest.
     But Ethan was terrified of that. No one liked him, most barely tolerated him. Desmond hated him with a passion, Matt followed Desmond's lead, and even though Carly saved him from time to time, Ethan knew it was only because she didn't want her brother to get into trouble. She pitied Ethan. No one felt one ounce of good emotions toward him.
     When he was little, his mother would tell him about how he would meet his Soulmate and he would never be lonely, ever. He'd be able to find them no matter what, feel their emotions, and connect in a way he would never be able to with anyone else. Ethan was afraid of being tethered to someone who didn't want him, someone who hated him. Unfortunately, there was no shortage of candidates for that; it was pretty unanimous that no one in the school gave Ethan the time of day unless it was to harass and beat him. He hated it.
     The rest of Ethan's school day went by without much event. He kept to himself as always, skipped lunch to hide in the library, and was the first out the door when school let out. He hopped on his bike and sped down the road to his house. He was never bothered by Desmond or Ethan after school since they had practice to go to. They might have been able to sneak in a quick beating, but Ethan never stuck around long enough to find out.
     Ethan hurried to get home after school. He felt safer there. The place was pretty big: a two story brick house with a lovely back yard and forest that had a lake a few yards deep into it. Auntie Marie did her best with in trying to maintain the yard and garden, but their "groundsman" (he was really just a gardner, but he hated being call that) Lucas did most the work.
     Setting the bike in the garage, Ethan slipped into the house in an attempt to go unnoticed. He was hoping that he wouldn't have to explain the bruises from that morning. He made it past the kitchen and almost up the stairs when a voice stopped him in his tracks.
     "Ethan McCain Raines, I know you have better manners than to just dissappear into your room without saying anything. I raised you better than that," Auntie Marie chided. Ethan turned to see his aunt, hands on her hips, long black hair, waiting for a response. Ethan sighed.
     "Sorry Auntie Marie, I just have a lot to do, didn't want to disturb you," he lied. Ethan was hoping she couldn't tell he was lying. Auntie Marie had what she called "Black Woman's Intuition" that let her know when someone wasn't being honest. It hadn't failed her before, and if the raised eyebrow was anything to go by, it wasn't going to start failing now. Ethan wondered why he even bothered.
     "Mmhmm, well go finish whatever it is that's so important, you have a few hours before I get started on dinner. What do you want tonight?" She redirected. Ethan was grateful.
     "It doesn't really matter to me Auntie Marie, but we have a lot of leftovers. Maybe burritos?" Ethan tried.
     "That'll work, open up some room in the fridge. Don't forget to feed the cat, okay?" She called as Ethan began to retreat to his room.
     "Yes ma'am!" Ethan assured her before closing the door to his room and throwing his bag on the bed. He immediately turned on his computer and went to check his blog.
     While there wasn't much that Ethan had going for him besides his grades, one of the things he enjoyed most was his blog. He wrote an advice blog, answering the questions that people had about their own lives. Ethan could remain anonymous, and people talked to him, trusted him. On the internet, people accepted him because he could help them. He felt useful.
     He logged onto the blog and checked the ask section. There were a few people who had left a couple questions, but one in particular stood out to him. The username had always been important to him because it had been the first one to ask a question when Ethan had stared out. His first follower. He cherished them and whenever they left an ask he always replied to them first.
     'RagingFalcon' always asked at least one question a day, and they always talked for hours. Today wasn't any different.

RagingFalcon: I tried to talk to him today, but I just got so nervous and my hands got sweaty. I chickened out. HELP!!!

ChaoticAbound: Hey, don't panic. You've come a long way. It may seem scary, but the first physical step always is. Why do you think you're nervous?

RagingFalcon: Because I'm really not good with words. I stutter and mess up my words and sound like an idiot. I don't want to look stupid in front of him...

ChaoticAbound: It's okay, that's natural. Don't be ashamed of that, many people have that problem. It's nerves getting the better of you. Take deep breaths and focus not on what he might think, but on what you want to project to him.

RagingFalcon: I know, I've already worked on my confidence, and it always seems like I am gonna do it this time, but I always chicken out.

ChaoticAbound: Alright, take some time and try to pinpoint where that feeling is coming from. Something inside you is causing you to feel like you can't do it. We can rule out any internal homophobia now, and I don't think it's just a confidence issue alone. Maybe you fear his judgement?

     There was a long pause, and then a bing meaning the other guy had signed out. It was typical that when Ethan said something that made them think, 'RagingFalcon' would log out. The first time it happened Ethan thought it was because he was mad, but one long apology later, it just turned out the other guy just didn't like saying goodbye.
     Ethan checked his clock. He still had an hour before he had to be down for dinner. He answered a few more questions and then decided to start a hot shower so he could relax and soothe the aches from today's daily beating.