A Kiss of a Thousand Words (Erlebnisse Series #2)

44

"Ang cute nina Silver at Tanya, no?" she spoke while we're walking on our way home.

Nilibot namin ang village na tinitirhan ni Silver kanina. During this time, close to midnight, aside from the subtle radiance of the moon above, the streetlights give light to the dark pathways. Hoots echoed throughout the whole vicinity and other than that, our footsteps roaming around are the only sound that can be heard.

"You should've seen them before. Walang palya sa mga banat si Silver at mas nagpaparinig si Tanya."

"Ang cute lang; it seems so innocent and simple. 'Yung kahit makita mo lang sila, buo na araw mo. 'Yung patagong mga pagtingin na pinapangarap mong 'di ka mahuli."

With a contented glint on her eyes, she fixed her blazer and crossed her arms. Iniwas ko agad ang tingin ko. She's too much of a mesmerizing sight for me.

"When was the last time your heart fluttered, Arius?" she asked, smiling.

Right now... and it's still fluttering.

"Hindi ko na matandaan, e," I reasoned. "Bakit?"

"It's just a question." Mabilisan niya akong tinignan bago binalik ang tingin sa kalsadang dinadaanan. "Hindi mo ba naiisip minsan kung kailan ka kaya ulit papasok sa isang relasyon?"

Napalunok ako sa biglaang tanong niya. Ito ba ang pag-uusapan namin ngayong gabi? Baka bumigay ako, ah?

"Naiisip..."

"Ako, hindi," mababa niyang sabi, "not that I meant it in a bad way. It's just that... that thing I had with Kievon made me realize that I didn't really want to be in something serious or committed. Yeah, it hurt but if ever, if ever lang, na naging kami, I don't think I'd be as happy as I'd thought."

It never occurred to me that she had thoughts like that. Simonne is a private person; the things or stories she share are always calculated because she considers the limit of her openness and value of her personal space. 

"What do you mean by that?"

"Masasabi kong masaya ako kasi, syempre, kami noong taong nagustuhan ko pero dahil nasa isang relasyon ka, dapat committed ka sa kanya which means sharing your life with them. It's not just sharing but more on interdependently living also. I don't think I'm emotionally available like that to be even in one," she expounded. 

"Isn't the point of being in a relationship is to help each other out? Kung pakiramdam mo 'di ka makabangon, nandiyan sila hindi para pilitin para tumayo kundi para samahan kang humiga sa mga araw na mas gusto mong humiga na lang?"

Huminto siya sa paglalakad at sinipa ang maliit na batong nakaharang sa dinadaanan niya. Napahinto rin ako sa paglalakad at inobserba siya habang pinagsisipa niya ang ibang mga batong nakikitang niyang nakalatag sa sahig.

"Being emotionally unavailable while being in a relationship is hard because either one or both of you will compensate for the other. I get that we have to work it out together as a couple but what happens if our unavailabilities synchronize? When both of us feel down and have it rough? If we feel we can't get up to hold the ground for each other because instead of there being one holding it better than the other, both of us can't hold it at all?" she spoke with her voice softening and diffusing into the air after each statement.

I remained silent not to offend her space after venting like that. Marahas niyang sinipa ang natitirang bato sa harapan niya at bumuntong hininga.

"I'm sorry. Basta 'yung point lang is ayaw kong pumasok sa isang relasyon—not when I'm this unstable. Gusto ko kapag alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko na... Matagal pa ata 'yun."

Tumikhim ako para gumaan ang pakiramdam ng hanging bumabalot sa'min ngayon kahit kaunti. "I get your point... We don't have to talk about this if it making you uncomfortable already."

Sinuklay niya ang dulo ng buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya at iniwas ang tingin sa'kin, tumalikod para tuluyan akong maiwasan.

"Hindi naman... It just got too personal for me real quick."

I walked towards her and lightly grasped her wrist. 

"Halika, umuwi na talaga tayo."

She stared at my hand on her wrist and let out a breathy laugh. I got conscious about it immediately so I removed it that instant. 

"Bakit mo tinanggal?"

"Kasi baka iniisip mo kung bakit kita hinahawakan."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Okay lang 'yun, Arius."

Nilahad niya ang palad niya sa'kin. Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kamay niya. Anong binabalik mong gawin diyan, Simonne? Hindi ko alam kung magugustuhan o aayawan ko 'tong mangyayari.

"Kamay ko lang 'yan, Arius," she chuckled.

Hindi kaya...

She clasped our hands together as if it was nothing. To intensity the weight of the situation for me, she intertwined them in an excruciatingly slow manner. My heart trembling like it's about to explode any second.

As if intertwining it wasn't enough for Simonne, within a second without me noticing instantly, she lifted her toes and gave me a brisk kiss on the cheek.

Tangina, anong ginagawa mo sa'kin?

"Bumalik na tayo."