Trapped

Chapter 1

"Ma! Pa! Bili tayo ice cream!"

"But sweetie, we already ate."

"Nooooo! I want it! I want it."

"Sweetie, tumigil ka na, you can't have all the things you wish to have, don't let Mama and Papa scold you, understand?"

He said it.

Papa warned me.

But I didn't budge.

Nagpumilit pa rin ako.

"JESSICA LOPEZ! SIT AND BEHAVE YOURSELF!"

Suddenly...

There's a blinding light.

It's shattering.

Then I heard it, cries of pain.

"Ma? Pa?"

"..."

The greens are now red.

I sat upright on my bed, breathing frantically and gasping for air as if it would disappear in a minute or two. It's a chilly morning but my face and body is burning and I'm already feeling shitty.

Wala na ba akong pag-asa para maging masaya? Wala na ba akong pag-asang makalimot kahit ilang sandali lang? Hindi ba pwedeng makatulog ako ng mahimbing kahit isang gabi lang?

Seguro wala nga..

Wala na akong pag-asa at higit sa lahat, wala akong karapatan...

Kasi ako ang may kasalanan.

Pinahid ko ang mga luhang walang tigil sa pagpatak at pilit kong pinapakalma ang sarili.

"Jess, panaginip lang 'yon, panaginip lang'yon."

Paulit-ulit ko na lang na sinasabi sa sarili ko na panaginip lang 'yon, but I know that deep within, what I said was a lie. Hindi lang basta-basta panaginip 'yon. It was a part of me. A part of me that has been wounded and no matter what I do, it can't be healed.

I checked the time and it's already six in the morning. Dali-dali kong ginawa ang morning routine ko bago pumasok sa University.

And speaking of hell...

Kailangan kong magmadali kasi this is my first day of attending this University. I hurriedly wore my black fitted jeans, grey hoodie, and my sneakers.

As much as I want to wear all black, I can't. I don't want to seek too much attention because the last thing that I wanted is to walk down the halls and to be declared as the "emo girl".

Tiningnan ko ang aking repliksyon sa salamin at hindi na nag-abala pa na itago ang aking mukha. After all, nasa kwarto ako at wala namang ibang tao sa silid maliban sa akin.

My eyes, they're hazel just like my father's.

Bata pa lang ako, hindi na bago sa akin ang makatanggap ng mga magagandang komento sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Palagi nila akong pinupuri dahil sa aking panlabas na anyo.

I used to brag about my physical appearance, social status, and all the things that I have. But now, I can't say the same, because I've changed, and all that things that I've been proud of when I was a child, it would only force me to remember my past.

Tiningnan ko muli ang aking repliksyon sa salamin at pilit na pinagsasabihan ang sarili na limutin muna ang mga pangyayari noon at mas pagtuonan ng pansin kung ano ang mga nangyayari sa kasalukuyan.

It's okay. Kaya mo 'to Jess. Laban lang. Everything's going to be fine.

I know that I can't deceive myself, but I can at least fake it and tell the world that I'm okay, right?

Right.

And that's why I've always hidden my face with my hood, because this is my way of hiding.