He's Gone- I'm Too Late... {BenPuff/YFM}

It was a funeral. His funeral. The one day I wished he'd return.

If only I was there for him, if only I could be by his side during the tough. Though I let him suffer alone, and now, he's gone.

I want him back, I need him back. I can't live without his guiding words. I can't live without being held in his arms, and being told that I was amazing. That I was the one reason he breathed, the one reason he lived. 

But, I guess that reason burnt up.

He was mine to hold, his hand was mine to caress, to kiss, and to grasp. He was my everything, and to think, with him, I was even planning a proposal.

In fact, at this very moment, I held the ring, in its small velvet box. I hated to know I would never hear him say 'Yes' nor 'I do.' I hate the fact that he did this too himself.

I knew he was miserable, but I still left. I was in for the job, in for the opportunity, and I ignored him. I ignored his pleas to return, and I ignored that he needed me.

Tears dripping down my face, I pulled my legs up to my chest, rocking lightly as I remembered everything we shared. Like our first date, carelessly making out infront of everyone. When we announced to the fans we were together- the fact so many people cheered whenever I'd kiss his cheek on stage. It was absolutely perfect.

No matter where, or what I was doing; he was on my mind. His soft, gorgeously perfect blonde hair that framed his face amazingly. His high, accented voice that left me melting. I hated that he was shy, and never told anyone a thing about what went on. 

It was purely and utterly painful when he first opened up - the night I left.

We promised to tell each other everything, so we could work things through. It hurt when I found out, the reason for his death, was going on 6 months behind my back.

"It's ok Puff, he's somewhere better now. We promise, he'll be happier there" DeeJay murmured from next to me, placing an arm around my shoulders firmly just before wiping away his stray tears.

Even Axel, the one who once upon a time swore he'd never cry at our funerals, was balling his eyes out. How guilty he must feel, its horrible.

Why must it end like this...

It was my boyfriends funeral. His funeral. I can't even make a speech, I can't breathe. I want him back, now. I want him in my arms, to tell him he was alright. I just wanted to have been there, taken the knife from his hands, and kiss him until he wasn't distraught.

I want these things, but, there out of my grasp. I was selfish, and I lost him.

In time, I was brought up to the altar, looking down upon him, wrapped tightly in his coffin.

He looked so peaceful, so mesmerizing in there. Lips together lightly and his skin as pale as the snow we onced would kiss on, chuck at each other, and snuggle up under a blanket, just to watch fall from the sky.

Brushing his blonde hair from his eyes I sighed. This, would be the last time I can see him again. The last ever time, I could say goodbye.

"I-I lo-ove you Benny. W-We'll miss you down here..." Crying to the point I couldn't speak, I leaned down, kissing his pale, cold lips lightly before caressing his showing hand. Just like all those times before, our lips matched perfectly together, and our hands fitted perfectly within each others.

Separating much to my displeasure, I placed the velvet box in his palm. "Y-You may not be able to answer, b-but, just know, that I love you, and from this moment on, I will always address myself as a proposed man"

Kissing his cheek one more time, I felt Axel and DeeJays arms around my shoulders, as we stood there, watching our keyboardist for the last time.

- ---  

Crying into my pillow I felt my heart plummet. He was gone, but just as welcoming memories, his scent and presence stayed around.

I didn't care if I drowned myself in tears, I just wanted him back. I needed him back.

Grasping the pillow tightly and moving my face into it further I felt something hard underneath it. Curiousity suddenly running through me I pulled the item out.

My eyes, blury with every little tear, widenned. A small crimson box just sat there, with a velvety feel to it.

The second I picked it up, a sudden will to open it overtook me as my mind raced with obviously impossible answers to how it got there.

Wiping a hand across my face, clearing up the stray tears, I opened the box up, just to find a ring in it, along with a note. Eyes becoming blurry all over again, I unfolded the crisp note carefully, realizing, that sprawled all over it, was Benatars neat handwriting.

Puff, 

I'm sorry, truly, I am. 

Just know, no matter what, I love you. 

I wasn't sure who'd make the move. But if you weren't, here I go.

Puff Puff Humbert - I love you with everything I have ever had. My heart, beating or not, will forever belong to you. I'm sorry, that things went this way. Truly, I am.

But, would you love me. Through better and worse, even if reality and heaven separates us. Be with me, forever. Puff, will you take the honor, of being my husband?

Reading the words over carefully my tears came out fast again, causing my breathing to hitch and uneven again. Whether the tears were of joy or sorrow, I didn't know- nor did I care.

"Y-Yes, Benny. I love you, forever and always" whispering out my words hoarsly I sighed, holding the note tightly against my chest. Holding the ring up lightly I felt a warm feeling invaid my body. Smiling, I slipped the ring on, just as that feeling raised in temperature. "I love you"