All About the Looks

Chapter 1

There he was; the most selfish, arrogant, indifferent jerk known to mankind. Well, maybe not all of mankind, but at least to Jameson High School. 

"Cassidy Atherns." I watched the lunchlady punch in my name incorrectly. Again. "I have to be there." 

"Of course." Her voice wasn't very convincing. "Is it 'n' or 'm'?" 

"Atherns. With 'n,' like 'never.'" I looked back over at Ben. He is so hot. I subconsiously bit my lip, still staring. 

"Eh-hem. Ms. Atherns?" 

"Oh, yes, sorry." Ouch. My braces had cut into my dry bottom lip, drawing a drop of blood. 

"I found you. Thanks for coming."

"No, thank you." People were always nicer to be around when they felt appreciated, I'd found. 

The lunch line continued flowing, each student stating their name and watching as it was typed into the obsolete laptop. How inefficient. 

I went to the back of the lunchroom, near the trash cans, to sit by myself, pulling out the first Harry Potter to entertain myself as I ate the lumpy spaghetti. Mine was a boring life, but at least I had Ben to peek at while I was "reading." He's looking at me! No, stay calm. Keep cool. Play hard-to-get. I fluffed my bushy blond hair and sat up straighter. I wiped the corners of my mouth to get rid of the bright red spaghetti sauce and prayed to god that it wouldn't stain my skin. He's smiling! His friends are laughing! He's coming this way! My inner pre-teen was squealing in delight with each movement he made, while my more mature, nerdy personality told me that Ben was bad news.Who cares though? He's so dreamy. I let myself slouch down onto my hands, ignoring the fact that he was walking my way. 

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"You guys suck! No way am I going near that thing." I scoffed at their stupid dare; they were not ever getting me to trip on "accident" and risk touching... Cassidy.

"You have to do it!" Kay was the one who had made the dare in the first place, insisting that Cassidy had a crush on me and it would be funny to spill my food on her. 

"No."

A chorus of "yes's" rang, and several hands spun me around and pushed me to the back of the lunchroom where Cassidy was sitting. I saw her grinning like a baffled idiot and couldn't help but feel prideful and nauseated all at the same time. Every girl loved me, but Cassidy was barelyhuman. 

Oh my god, that's disgusting. I spotted a piece of nasty brown stuff stuck in her braces, and I almost gagged. Her frizzy, oily hair was shining under the fluorescent lighting, and I spotted abook sitting next to her. That was the last straw. I am not going anywhere near her. 

I turned back, wishfully thinking that they would have mercy on me. Kay's head shook back and forth and he waved me forward again. God, if you're listening, kill me. I've been nice enough, right? I don't deserve this. I closed my eyes in a mocking prayer, but I really did not want to do this. 

She stood up when I had gotten about three feet from the trash.

"Hi Ben." Her silvery, blinding smile was still plastered across her face.

"Hey."

She giggled and scooted a chair out. "Will you sit by me?" 

"Oh, no." I was repulsed by the thought. "I'm just coming to throw away my tray." I lifted the plastic red thing slightly, revealing my half-eaten spaghetti and a milk carton that was still sealed. 

She looked disappointed. "Oh. Well can I have your milk?"  Cassidy grabbed it off my tray without asking, which was fine by me. I'm lactose-intolerant anyways.

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Great, now he thinks I'm a freak. I sat down quickly, trying to remedy the situation. "Thanks." I opened the carton and took a swig, then smiled again. Stop, Cassidy. You idiot! My cheeks wouldn't obey though, they stayed stretched. 

"Yeah." Ben just continued standing there, and I suddenly became very self-concious. What's he staring at? Why is he not leaving? Maybe he wants me to say something? No he doesn't. Just stop it! STOP. Why should you care what he thinks of you? He's a total jerk. But he's so hot. No, no that doesn't matter. He's still standing there, nervously darting his eyes around. 

A voice came from across the lunchroom, hissing. "Bennett! Come on! Leave the freak alone!" 

I had learned not to be insulted by their comments anymore, but it still stung a bit when Ben didn't defend me. "One second!" He doesn't like you. Stop. Listen to yourself. Stop. Decide now. Come on! He's so hot! That's no excuse. That's the only thing you ever use to describe him, there has to be more. Stop. 

This is so awkward. Why is he just standing there?

"Uh... I dunno."

Crap. Did I say that outloud? 

A chorus of "DO IT!" echoed around the room, and I didn't realize what they had meant until it was too late. 

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"This is awkward. Why are you just standing there?" 

I was taken aback by the question. It was awkward, and I really didn't want to be there longer than necessary. 

"Uh... I dunno." 

Suddenly I heard the rest of the football team behind me, shouting "DO IT!" I was about to turn around when Kay ran towards me. What is he doing? He slammed into me, making me fall on top of Cassidy and I getting spaghetti all over the both of us. I pulled back, disgusted with touching her. 

"WHAT THE HELL?" She screamed out, smacking me until I pulled away. It all happened in slow motion and Kay was laughing hysterically behind me. "GET OFF! GET OFF ME NOW!" 

"Happy to oblige, bitch." I jumped up and ran away, like the coward I was. 

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The sauce ran down my front, getting inside my shirt and making my chest sticky and covered in red. He called me a bitch. He didn't even apologize. Kay didn't do anything. He laughed. 

I'd decided now. I hated Ben. It didn't matter that he was the most handsome guy I'd ever seen, or that he was captain of the football team, or even that he was in all of my classes. I hate him. I hate him so much. He is so ugly. He is so fat. He is such a nerd. I applied undesirable labels to him, trying to make him seem worthless inside my head. 

I was worthless to him, right? People called me "freak" all the time right in front of him and he never says anything in defense. 

Sometimes he even agrees with them, that bastard. 

I hate him so much. I hate him. 

But I love him too. His laugh, his smile, his heart-melting eyes. 

Can't his outside match his inside? Why can people not see him for the ugly person he really is? Why does he get all the girls? Why do people love him? I'm nice enough, why don't people like me? Why don't I have friends? Why don't boys hold conversation with me?

It's all about looks, that's why.

I stood up and walked over to get some napkins from the lunchlady. I cleaned up as best as I could, but the janitor eventually told me to get to class and he'd take care of it.