what I am looking for is serenity, not to be pampered. im looking for comfort, some safe rest place. What i seek in this life is honesty, kindness, rest place.
But that little wishes can't be granted for some reason, no matter how hard i prayed for it to happen. It just doesn't work.
Oftentime i found myself in pain, looking on others.
They seems happy, even if that's just temporarily or even just faking.
I envy most of the thing because i don't have happiness and even if i want to fake one so people around me don't get worried over me, i can't fake a smile, happiness.
Everything just collapse before i even able to escape from it.
What i've builded over the years, only eventually to collapse on me.
It's my fault for not wearing the safety gear.
But is it wrong for me to desprately searching for that someone, just so i can lean on them, cry with them, smile and laugh with them? Someone who i can fought, cry, laugh, love together? Someone i can be real with. Someone who gonna hold me when i'm about to freeze.
All i want is to love and to be loved.
Dreaming about you only bring me so many pain. Over the time, it become unbearable. Sometimes i found myself crying and desprately searching for you but how am i supposed to find you when i don't even know who are you.
Everyday pain already enough to beared. You, coming in my dream almost everytime, only brought the greatest pain i ever felt.
Never in my life, i feel so damn fucking desprate. Never ever.
