Discover True Love...

What is attention-need?

Before we move into subject of love, let us seewhat is meant by the word attention-need.

Whatever we do, whatever we think, we aresubconsciously seeking concurrence and approvalfrom the people around us in some subtle way. Weare very keen that we should earn a good namefrom everyone. We may not do this in a very obviousfashion, but if you analyse deeply, you will not beat ease without the appreciation and endorsementof the people around you. This endorsement, thisapproval, is what we call 'attention-need'. 

80% of our problems is due to this asking forattention or approval. If you just sit and write down,in a day how many things you do to get a goodname, to maintain your reputation in family andsociety, you will see.

You will find that all the 24 hours, all your lifetime,you are involved in getting approval from others.All your life, you are on a signature campaign,getting approval signature from family and society. 

In a big register you make a column: Good Father,and for everything that you do for your children,you expect their signature of approval under thatcolumn! Then you go to your wife, to your boss, toyour friends. You prepare columns with suitableheadings like Good Husband, Good Employee,Good Friend etc. and wait for them to sign underit. 

Of course, all these people also come to you foryour signature! You too need to sign on theirregisters under the columns applicable to you!

Why do we bother so much about others' opinionsabout us? Why can't we judge ourselves by ourown strength and continue to do our work? Whyare we deriving strength from others? All this isbecause of twothings: one, we don'tknow anything aboutourselves. We knowourselves onlythrough others'opinions of us, only through others' certificates. Second: when othersgive us their approval and attention, they areactually giving us energy to move on. Attention ISenergy! That is why we feel so boosted when theygive us attention.

Attention in any form is alright for us. In most ofthe houses, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-lawwill be constantly fighting with each other. Theywill be constantly complaining about each other tothe poor man in the house. But for a few days, ifone of them goes out of town, what happens? Theother starts missing them! Although they arefighting all the time, they miss each other whenthey are not together! Why does this happen?When they fight with each other all the time, theyare actually getting that much of attention uponthemselves from the other person!

Don't think that only positive attention is energizing!Any form of attention is energizing. Both themother-in-law anddaughter-in-lawsubconsciously enjoythe attention that theyget from the otherwhen they fight.That is why they miss each other; they actually miss the attention!But when they start missing each other, they termit love! They say that they miss each other becauseof love.

Of course, it may be true; but I want you tounderstand that attention is nothing but energy,which keeps us in good spirits. It is a subtle formof energizing ourselves, and we are not even awareof this. When we need something, that somethingis not love; it is attention. You don't need love; youare love yourself. So when you say that you needlove, when you say that you need to be loved, youare really in need of attention, not love.

People come and tell me that their sons anddaughters don't love them enough in their old age.What they really mean is, their sons and daughtersare not giving them the attention, the energy thatthey need in their old age.

Actually if you see, as we grow older, we shouldbecome more andmore centered withinourselves, sensitiveto the existentialenergy inside us. Butwhat happens is, aswe have been dependent on others for attention and energy allour lives, because the love that we know existsonly in relationships, because we have lived withno awareness and sensitivity to what is inside us,when we get older, we start missing the love thatcame from outside or the attention that came fromoutside. The family becomes busy with other thingsand they don't interact with us as they used to. Sowe start complaining with age.

If you see, only because we don't understand thatour energy source lies within us, instead of livinglife with more joy and energy, we live life withreduced joy and energy.