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♡ in which the saddened girl falls for the happiest person in the world. And that person helps overcome her saddened state.
♡ "I am truly sorry for everything"
[TW: mentions suicidal tendencies, as well as suicide as a topic!]
[Also...
"now I'm feeling guilty for it, I didn't wanna leave."
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"y/n, how long have you been doing this?"
words seemed to ring in her ears. maybe ignoring everything seemed to be fine, at the moment. but no, everything she's done finally caught up to her; and she couldn't do anything to save herself.
she was lucky yuji was patient, and even if he wasn't, he would still wait for her response.
"I don't know what made you become like this, but it's my duty to help you, protect you, to- to do everything you aren't capable of doing. I just want the best for you... even if you don't want ur for yourself."
words.
she hated how they made people express their emotions. she hated how much she tried to seem fine. she hated everything.
but most of all, she hated herself.
"... and trust me, I know what I'm doing isn't healthy for me or you. but I need- no want you, to get better. you deserve a life where everything is perfect, where you're safe, where you're okay, where I know you're happy at." sad moments for itadori weren't his favorite, but be knew this like this always happened. he even knew everything he was saying was going to be true, he exorcised curses now- nothing was safe unless being protected.
but before his final moments, he was going to protect y/n no matter what. it was what he wanted, what he thought was fine.
"Y-yuji," stuttering was common for her, it was like that since she was a child. but if she spoke slow she wouldn't stutter her words. "I'm sorry. I-I never meant to ca-cause you so much pain o-or worry. I thought I had everything h-hidden." she looked down at her lap, her eyes following the wrapping of the bandages.
"hidden? is that what you're worrying about? trust me, I threw everything away that you had of such things." his hand that was holding hers let go, he didn't know what he was feeling. not of the moment. "do you know why I'm so against you doing harm to yourself?"
she looked towards him, his eyes held sadness.
"n-no?"
"it's because I don't want you to die young, not without living your life. you have so much ahead of yourself, and you're throwing it away by harming yourself. I hung by you all these years to help you. I want to you get better. so please, let me."
"get better...? why? j-just leave me to die. I don't want your pity, not now not ever." yuji didn't back down, why would he? the girl he loved the most was hurting all around. the figurative flames she held burned around her fragile being, leaving invisible scars she would eventually get to know. but what hurt the most was the fact that actually scars were staining her being as well.
"y/n, believe it or not, I'm here to help you. The most important thing I cherish about you is when we talk. for all these years, I could tell you were listening- I enjoyed that. yeah, you may not be like most people I know, but you're unique. in you're own way. so, starting today and for the rest of the years we're together, I'm going to make you be you. and we're going to have fun together, have so much fun to the point you're going to be tired of it."
she didn't know what it was, but somewhere and somehow, she wished for the angels to bless yuji with enough time, to bless him with someone new. because she knew she wasn't good enough for him. her mental health and state were a menace in ways she hated herself.
y/n had had difficult times with her mind, with her body, with everything about herself. she wasn't as beautiful as the girls she went to school with, she didn't have the imagination yuji had, and she didn't have the right to be here. it was her thoughts that made her become so useless.
her family thought so too, and she couldn't help but agree with them.
"hey, don't cry." she felt arms wrapping around her waist, she felt so alone.
it was at the moment that she felt the tears hit her arms that she touched her face, feeling them. she didn't know why she crying, or when it started. but she felt scared.
she felt like a child. a small fragile child that needed their parents, that needed all the love she could get, that needed the affection of someone that truly loved her.
because for once in her life, all her barriers she built to hide her tears and sadness broke. and now that have broken; it made her feel vulnerable, more than ever.
"I-I don't know why I feel so sad. all the time, everyday, all weak, all month. all these years I felt so sad."
she also felt nervous. worried. hated. and difficult. all her life she grew trying to prove herself to her mother's side of the family that she didn't know how much of a toll it took on her.
"it's okay, and I know. but I'm here to protect to you, so cry. let your sadness flow, I'll be here until you no longer need me. I'll be here to wipe your tears, I'll be here to help you through everything, and I'll be here until everything's better."
maybe it was the first time she actually felt the sympathy for herself, but she knew the words yuji said were true.
more true than anything she's ever heard. and so she leaned into his hug, crying into him as she felt the grief, sadness, hatred, anxiety, worries, and everything in between flow through her like a shore.
"I'll be sticking with you, until the very end."
those were the final words she heard before crying herself to sleep in yuji's arms. because she knew they were true, through and through.
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"you are stuck with me, so I guess I'll be sticking with you."
