Locked In

Locked In - Your Short Story

Coming out has always been a terrifying thought of mine. Intrusive, vile, circumstantial. It's tough to even think about it, years after my parents' death. The closet started off being a scary place for me, but over time it feels...normal. I've lived this way ever since I could remember. My parents were nowhere near being angels, they themselves were the monsters hiding underneath my bed. Closing me in and locking the door. I'm trapped with no way out, I can't even breathe. I have nowhere to run or hide.

As a child school was the only place that I was allowed to go, finally a safe haven, I quickly realized that even there wasn't safe. I had no one to talk to, I was even more alone there than I ever was at home. Always being tormented by the way I looked or the way I talked so I didn't want to talk to anyone, I felt safer staying to myself. Teachers would call home complaining, asking if everything there was alright, making matters worse than what they were before, causing more panic and turmoil than necessary. 

As soon as I got home, back into the closet I went--did I actually ever leave? Was I sitting here all along just hoping I had a chance to speak my truth? All I ever wanted was to talk to someone, about anything but I never had that. I can't even think of it, it makes my anxiety even worse.

Years after my parents' death I still fear I will never live life the way it was intended, until I hear a voice in my head chanting, "You can do it!" I kick the door with all of my might, my left side now in pain. I kicked again, the door still closed shut. My ribs feel like they're breaking all over again. I give it one more shot and kick! Finally, the door opens. My entire body nearly crippled from all of these years locked away physically and emotionally. I slowly take my right foot and step out of the closet, I fall to the ground out of exhaustion. I pick myself up and look around, it's true, I am finally FREE!