Easing Heimweh (Heim, #1) ✓

18: In the Midst of It All

I'd wanted to ditch the party so bad, but I didn't know this would be my excuse in doing it.

Cali offered to drive us to the hospital where Lucius was admitted to. No one dared to shatter the silence during the ride, like anyone who'd initiate a conversation would crash the car. Achilles sat on the passenger's side, his hand running across his chin, eyes trained outside. Aelius sat beside me at the back, and instinctively I brought up his hand that I was holding and kissed it. He looked at me through the reflection in the window and let out a deep, heavy sigh.

This day was filled with many revelations that I was sure my brain decided to just accept anything despite not having any answers. I was spent; hours of packing my things to catch our flight in the morning when we were supposed to leave much later, mentally preparing myself for the ball, and having to take in and process everything I learned in the past 18 hours sent me into overdrive.

The familiar architecture of the hospital woke me up. I remembered walking on these very halls, riding the same elevator, and reaching the same floor where Everen's room once was.

Lucius' room was right beside hers, and I met the kid some time ago. He looked frail with his still-fresh wounds that were bound by several bandages. It was difficult not to notice even from afar, when Achilles left his door slightly ajar the night I left.

Now the bandages were gone. Most of his wounds healed, and he was awake, preoccupied by bags of fruit snacks.

"Oh, you're back," Lucius said to Achilles who was the first to enter. Aelius and I stayed hidden by the wall, and he was looking at me for assurance. I nodded, giving his hand a short squeeze before letting it go.

"Go on," I urged. "He must be missing you."

"I...don't know. It's been a while." His voice was no louder than a whisper, perhaps driven by fear of being heard. "I didn't visit him last year. He must hate me now."

"You won't know if you don't show yourself, love." I offered a gentle smile as we appeared by the doorway.

"So, how was the ba—" Lucius' words were cut off. His eyes panned from Achilles to Aelius who'd just entered the ward. With careful steps, Aelius went nearer, and his brother did nothing but stare at him with a frown.

"Fratello?" Brother?

"Lucius," Aelius called back, voice painfully close to breaking, but I could see him trying to fight it. I imagined his clenched fists were what helped keep himself together. "What happened to you?"

The youngest scoffed. "Of course you didn't know," he muttered in Italian. "You never read the news, never call, never visit."

"I can explain," Aelius said—no, begged, and it was a foreign sight. I wasn't even sure if it was proper for me to witness it.

"You had many chances to come here and explain," Achilles interjected. His arms were crossed as he addressed Aelius, and he stood beside the bed. "You chose not to. Clearly you have your priorities."

"Oh, don't act all high and mighty, cousin," Aelius spat. "This wouldn't have happened if you stayed true to your words and took care of him. You abandoned him. You flew to the Philippines and left him here. For gods' sake, he isn't fluent in English and you still went away."

"You shouldn't be the one lecturing me about staying true to my words," he argued back. "You made a promise to him. You said you'd visit every year, but he was lucky to receive even a one-minute phone call. You didn't even pick up when he last called you," Achilles went on, and he wasn't shouting, nor did he need to. I could feel the heat of his anger on my skin. "He called after his car collided with that truck. He almost died and his first thought was to talk to you."

"I—"

"You don't care about Lucius at all, do you?" Achilles began walking towards Aelius, and I covered my mouth in shock when the latter grabbed him by the collar. Even then, the fire of anger in Achilles' eyes never dwindled. "What, you're gonna hurt me in front of your brother? Go ahead and watch how he'll give up trying to reach you."

"Enough!" I flinched when Aelius shouted. Tears ran down his face and there was nothing I wanted to do more than wipe them away, but I couldn't. I couldn't even come near. I couldn't do anything other than watch. "You don't know how bad I want to run away from everything for him. You don't know how bad I want to go back to Italy and watch Lucius grow up because he's all I have left, but I can't do anything but leave because we have no parents to depend on anymore."

"It's not an excuse—"

"I am not making excuses, cousin! Get it through your head!" he cut off. "I...I just want to go back home, and I can't," he whimpered. "You know I can't. I'm trying my hardest to bear every burden because I'm stuck in the middle of it all."

They were too caught up in their fight that they didn't notice Lucius crying. His eyes darted back and forth between the two, and his hands muffled the sobs that came out. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he knew he would not be heard.

"I'm sorry. Believe me, I am," Aelius said to his brother. I could barely translate the words because his voice was a broken, tangled mess. "I would give you the world if I could, but it is against me for the longest time now."

Wiping the fresh tears that streamed down his cheeks, Aelius turned his heels and left. I casted a worried glance at Achilles and, after a silent permission to leave, I didn't wait for his response and ran outside.

"V," I called, and he didn't stop walking. I jogged until his back was at arm's reach and grabbed his shoulder. "Hey."

"I'm sorry." Aelius' eyes and nose were flushed red, and the dam of tears was moments away from breaking once again. "It wasn't my intention to let you see me like this. I never cried in front of them, so I...I chose to leave."

"Oh, V..." I held his face and wiped the tears as they fell. "Breathe."

"Sono un fratello davvero terribile, vero?" he said. I'm such a terrible brother, aren't I?

I shook my head. "Dategli tempo. Non è facile per tutti voi." Give it time. It's not easy for all of you, I said, and I meant every word. Emotions ran high, and they acted on everything that was repressed for years. They were meant to explode.

He felt as if the world was against him, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything, because the fear of proving it true tugged at the back of my mind with no mercy.

Storms were brewing—his and mine. I feared they would collide and destroy everything. Destroy us. Destroy Aelius.

Because I knew that there was no use in denying it: he stood in the midst of it all.