Confessions of a Wallflower

3: Mother Nature

Short Recap:

He doesn’t seem to notice my social fumble instead he just smiles wider, looking down at my blanket set up. I nervously swipe at my chin for surprise drool, thank goodness there is none. “Me too,” he answers casually, offering me a hand I take gratefully, “So tell me Emilie, do you like french fries?”

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“French fries are good,” I splutter out somewhat shocked by his random question. He grins, still holding onto my hand, and begins trudging through the cool sand towards the tiny area of parked cars. I have no choice but to hurriedly snatch up my blanket, hands still connected, and follow behind like a lost puppy.

We ended up in front of an old jeep Cherokee painted a dark royal blue, and he opened the back to slide his board in, he held his hand out for my blanket next. I shook my head, whispering, “I can carry it.”

“You don’t have to,” he disagrees kindly, taking it from my arms anyway. I stare at him, again surprised he actually had the nerve to just take it. Then again, not everyone has the same views in life as me, as in ‘hide in a turtle shell and hope to go unnoticed’. After putting it in gently he closes the hatch and his arm brushes against mine, I feel a blush creeping on but choose to ignore it even though I know it’s getting brighter with each second.

“Thanks,” I mutter anxiously searching the boardwalk for people staring at us as we walk up to it so close together. Maybe it’s just me, but the air got thicker and it’s getting hard to breathe, because people are staring and I know my face is breaking out into an embarrassed flush. I feel sick.

I feel like he’s watching me, and when I look up, I’m very right. I avert my eyes low, watching my feet while I walk. “So Emilie, how does Pop’s Shrimp sound? Have you eaten lately?” His tone is light and carefree, but my response is so muddled and jumbled I don’t even thoroughly think he understood.

“I don’t think so – I mean Pop’s sounds great – I mean…no I haven’t eaten. No…Yes?”

Smooth.

How have I gone through life without any guy friends?

I think we all know.

I am utterly socially incompetent.

I wish there was an award for that.

“Well, okay then, shrimp it is,” he gives a warm chuckle. I feel his body heat, it’s making me feel all nervous and jumpy, I guess even more so than usual. I’m mortified by my awkward banter. Awkward, awkward, awkward. That’s all I can think about, it’s driving me insane.

The air is still warm, but cooler than it was earlier when I had first come to the beach, and stars were bright up above us, while the moon glowed in all her glory. I glanced sideways at Cameron, and then did it one more time, bashfully looking away when he caught my gaze and trying to hide the blush creeping across my skin with my hair. He smiled warmly at me, everything he did seemed so effortless, so calm, so relaxed. I watched other girls walk by on the boardwalk mini-skirts hugging their hips like it was made for them, shirts filled out perfectly and turning heads with every step as they smiled with full rosy lips and perfect teeth.

Then there was me, as I glanced down at myself, of what I could see….my knees seemed too knobby. My hair had too many split ends, it wasn’t shiny enough – my toes weren’t painted in the season’s most popular neon shades, nor were my fingernails. The freckles were too distracting as they created patterns across my arms and collarbone; my face is too plain while other girls daunt makeup worthy of the red carpet. Everything about me in this very situation screams misplaced. And this dress, God why had I ever thought I could pull it off?