The red-velvet sunset

I wish I was strong enough

Running , running through the dark woods .The path at my feet fades as it leads into the darkness of the woods, I was about to fall , a dead fall ,  somewhere in there is the answers I need. Roots and leafs , I was forced to let my hands touch them as I pass. A dark and stormy night , all was grey , all was silent , only the sounds of a plethora of nocturnal ghosts disturb this absolute silence , the air was stuffy . Thorns scratching skin and tripping on bumpy roots. I stopped, everything was revolving around me, suddenly, I noticed a light emitting far away , running with all my might , to reach it , until I fell into a deep hole... « Doctor ! Doctor ! she started to open her eyes ! » mom said . Everything was blurry , I only observed Lisa's pastel skirt , I turned on my left , seeing mom talking to the doctor .My family , Lisa and Mrs.Jo's family, were all surrounding me , looking at me as if I was the only brilliant star in the darkest night sky . « what happened ? » I asked « you were holding your phone then you fainted » Lisa replied , « so I called your dad then we took you here » Mom added. I tried to get up but Mrs.Jo stopped me, since she was the one near to me so she arranged my pillow instead. There was a window , a small one , on my right , it was all white, made of « Leibler's polymer » . The bed was soft. There were leaves of lavender perfume on the table. Since it's known by its ability to make people relaxed . How much the things changed since the last months. I missed the medical staff. I missed how they treated me , but i hate the scent of the multiple diseases , it makes you more ill than you even are. The doctor called my mom again , while my dad and Mrs.jo's family have already left . I got bored laying on the bed so Lisa gave me my phone. I unlocked it , « How are you feeling today ? » the only message I got. They say I fainted ,but I don't remember the reason « Lisa , how long I've been in here ? » « Two days », *shocked* I lost words...

The suite was quiet , a quiet kind of « cheerfulness » , the soft kind that comes as a quiet river on a sunny day . Unusual thing . Lisa left the door open while leaving. I tried to get up, then I heard the doctor talking to mom , in the hallway , I overheard « The faint is caused by a lack of nutrition which made her more weak than she is so she couldn't handle the shock she witnessed , moreover, since she stopped her chemotherapy , her health started to deteriorate , that's why we decided , me and the medical staff, to keep her here for some days , so she can be able to attend her sessions. I am sorry Mrs.Ellen » he left. Mom were standing up few minutes , without moving , holding her head as if she's trying to stop the time while using her superpower. Meanwhile, I was expecting what he'd say so apparently I wasn't surprised. I accept the fact that my lung Cancer will kill me sooner or later. I closed the door , walking slowly to get to bed. Pitched roof for some reasons and lamps of type « Tripod  » . I was playing with the lavender leaves, they were so soft with dusty purple shade . « Wait ! » a patient screamed out in the backyard. I took a look « How cute ! » I said while I was waving my hand to her , she noticed , waving her hand back . She's so beautiful, strawberry cheeks , black hair tied in a ponytail , the face shape was completely perfect and those big brown eyes. People who have brown eyes are the luckiest. She seemed happy as the beginning of flowering in the first days of spring . She's carrying a teddy bear in a tawny colour , an old one with some scratches in the back. I always say that chilreen are burden , but I am not agreed this time. Lisa and Mom entred the room again , « Mrs.Ellen , why she fainted ? »Lisa asked , « because of a lack of nutrition » Mom replied , « God protected her » she turned around noticing an amount of my bristles on the pillow  « why there's a large amount of her hair on the pillow ? that's abnormal » She whispered . Mom stared at me without saying a word , while I was still standing next to the window as a column. « We're leaving after 10min, do you want- » Dad entered the room and iterrupted her, holding a bunch of daisy flowers, with a happy smile , which made mom surprised , he's trying to be nice but he doesn't know that I am allergic to this kind of flowers , unfortunately. « Get them away from her ! » Mom screamed, he was totally confused , mom took and threw them into the trash can. He hasn't said a word , so was I . The happy smile turned into a sorrowful one . « She's allergic to daisy flowers » Mom said dismally, she felt so bad about the way she reacted . « We are leaving right now , have a good night sweetie » She embraced me and left ...

1am, I couldn't sleep , the owels were singing loudly. I was holding my knees to my face , staring at the window while I was sobbing continuously. « I wish I was strong enough » the only thing running in my head ...

When the sun rised , the doctor came and took me to the other room for my first chemotherapy , after months .They put those drugs in my left hand's veins, I felt them blended with my blood . Most of people there were young , you could see the pain in their exhausting faces. Life isn't fair . Minutes and minutes passed , I still haven't finished yet . *I sighed* a nurse noticed , she came to me trying to make me forget the tiredness i feel. « I know how you feel » she said , « no you don't » I whispered , « nobody does » I added. People say « when you will turn 18 years old , everything will change in your life » Agreed but I think they meant it in a positive way , not spending your second day after turning 18 in the hospital... When I was in my way to the room , I met the girl I saw yesterday , holding the same teddy . « hi » , she ignored me ,« I like your teddy » I added , « thank you » she finally talked , I wanted to have a long conversation with her but unfortunately , I was awfully tired. My room started to give me the gloom vibes , I looked around , trying to find something I can spend time by , until I remembred , I have an unanswered message . « Good thanks » I responded , « It took you one day to respond so obviously you aren't » finally someone who does understand the hidden meanings through my words « you seem sure about it , but who are you again ? » « someone who's trynna make you feel better maybe » « for God sake , who are you ?! » he did not respond...

The days I was supposed to pass ,turned into months. I still haven't left this room yet .Nobody checked on me since my mom's death. She died two weeks ago. I always hated the word « Goodbye » , but I wanted to say it to her so badly . I lost my dad years ago , but I never imagined I will lose my source of happiness . « Am I an orphan now ? » the only thing I think about , all the time. I never lived a day without weeping . The doctor told me that dad took Eva with him , and moved out to another country . Lisa left me a message « I had to go , I am sorry , my dad said so . By the way , I was kidding about Zack , so I hope you understand. I will visit you soon , God heal you ! ». Zack was the only person who visits me once a week. The guy with the worst nicknames , yes. He's 19 years old now , I couldn't be in his party so I wrote him a letter instead , thanking him for being in my side when everybody left . I asked the nurse to sent it to him , while I took my copybook , the one mom gave me. « I wish I was strong enough » the first thing I wrote... Writing and writing , until I heard someone's footsteps , entering the room..