Breaking the Silence - A Yuri on Ice Story

Breaking the Silence

Yuri had been stupid, irrational, quick-tempered, and a complete pain in the ass. But even though he knew that it was him in the wrong, he found it hard to accept that Otabek hadn't been able to put up with his bad attitude. It had been his biggest insecurity. Otabek had promised him time and time again that he loved his fiery side so much... But there was only so much Otabek could do when being met by a stony silence.

Yuri wasn't the most gentle person. He could be melodramatic and acted before he thought... He could be stubborn and selfish, and ultimately, that had been what had ruined what they had.

Yuri only had himself to blame.

He watched Otabek secretly from the stands as the other man skated.

What are you doing here? Are you here because of me?

Yuri was slouched down in one of the plastic chairs hoping that the other man wouldn't notice him. He just wanted a few moments to think about the situation and how this had come around - then maybe he could figure out how to fix it.

He wanted to talk to him. Desperately . He wanted to make things better. But he just wasn't sure how.

Just say sorry, dumbass, he thought to himself, but even trying to say the words out loud was impossible. Everything was so complicated inside his mind and trying to explain it all was impossible.

Sometimes, Yuri hated himself. He hated the feeling of rage and jealousy that always bubbled under his skin. He hated his quick, hot temper and the way his mind just wouldn't stop worrying; most of all he hated how he always ruined the best things in his life. Maybe he really was just an ungrateful brat.

It was stupid. More than stupid. There was so much going on under the surface with Yuri, so much that he had wanted to say but the words had been caught in his throat. He had been unable to just burst out and say: Otabek, I hate us living so far apart, let's think about moving closer. Let's think about moving in together. I miss you terribly and I feel like the distance is tearing us apart. But Yuri hadn't been able to ask. He couldn't bear the thought of Otabek rejecting him. He'd been foolish. He had forced a silence between them that had ultimately pushed even more space between them until he'd completely destroyed what they'd had.

He groaned internally.

Why am I like this?

They were in Krasnoyarsk . Next weekend was the 3rd stage of the Russian Cup and there were a lot of familiar faces around. Of course, Victor was here and was partaking, and he had already qualified along with Yuri. The other man was so blase about it whereas Yuri was practicing every second that the rink was free. Victor was off and going out into the city with the other skaters who had shown up to support them. But Yuri couldn't bring himself to go. Even though he was of age to drink with his friends, his worry of Otabek being there stopped him.

Otabek looked grumpy as he skated through a warm-up, and Yuri wondered what was going through his mind and whether he was thinking about him too. After all, why was he here if not to see Yuri? He wasn't partially close to any of the other Russians...

Was Otabek just as nervous about the two of them seeing each other for the first time since they had broken up? It had been a year. An entire thirteen months of silence. Of losing his best friend. His lover. The best thing that had ever happened to him. Did Otabek feel the same or was Yuri simply mourning a relationship that was long dead?

But he couldn't help it. Otabek had been Yuri's first and his only. He hadn't even bothered to try anything with anyone else, no matter how much attention was thrown at him, not when he was still completely in love with that stupid Kazakh man's face.