Raison D'être - H. Granger

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

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Raison D'etre. A reason for existence. More specifically, the most important reason for one's existence. Everyone has a raison d'etre or more than one. It could be the physical things of this world or outside of it. It could be the concepts that may be hard to perceive but in the end all souls have one whether they've discovered it or not.

That term always fascinated Felicity, yet she never could conclude why it did. She knew what it meant and understood the depth of those two words but she couldn't quite find who or what her raison d'etre was.

Felicity was always seen as rather an outcast than someone who blended in. Supposedly abandoned at birth and born with a peculiar defect, that was viewed more as an unappealing attraction rather than unique or out of this world kind, we're major burdens in her life. When it came to people, they usually never wanted to be a part of her life, especially her father.

Nobody. It seemed that she had nobody. All she wanted was someone that was there, someone she could rely on. Someone who you can go to for anything and someone who could assure you they won't leave. And that they love you. I love you. Three simple words that have the power to be significant or meaningless she always speculated. But love, she had only felt that feeling once in her life. Someone who filled the voids that now remained empty.

Edith was her name. Her mother who she believed truly loved her unlike anyone. She was that person who Felicity fantasized about now. Almost eight years, it had been nearly eight whole years since her mother had passed. Her mother was a beautiful woman inside and out as they would say.

She showed Felicity beautiful things in life at a young age to distract her from the terrors of the world. She revealed what art was to her and that it can be found anywhere. In fact she showed her that there was art in herself and that her distinct colored eyes upon her face were far from appalling as most would think, or 'freaky' as young Felicity would call herself. She always told her how fortuitously lucky she was to have such a captivating appearance unlike others do. From then that became Felicity's favorite thing, art.

Felicity was able to notice art in nearly everything like her mother taught her. Now being 16 years old she realized who had once been her raison d'etre, Edith was the one who taught her the meaning of that. She told her that one day she might find what her's was. Living entirely eight years without her was an indescribable pain. All she knew was that she had lost the most beautiful person and thing in her life and she had little hope she'd find something quite as incredible as her again. She feared she'd never perceive art how she once did.

That's what she looked for in people. The qualities of Edith. She understood that was unrealistic and she'd never discover such a thing because no one was quite like her. Edith saw the good in people. People such as her father. Felicity always thought that was ridiculous, how could anyone see something such as good in her father. She never believed Zachary, her father loved her mother. Well at least he didn't show it in the best way she presumed. Zachary was a bitter man. He was adamantly detestable, and stubborn with a horrible temper.

Growing up, Felicity understood where she stood in his eyes. She was nothing more than an orphan to him. Out of spite he'd tell Felicity horrible and untruthful things about Edith. He would say her mother never loved her and it was only pity she felt towards Felicity. He'd manipulate her into thinking that he was the hero in her life just because of the fact that he was still there unlike others who didn't want her.

Felicity would constantly try to convince herself that she wasn't the problem as her mother told her many times, but as always her father's insults and hatred would overpower the small piece she had left of her mother inside of her. She never felt the love of a father that every child should feel. But she accepted it, and although it hurt she decided for her being to show him the same kind of resentment.

Because of the despairing relationship, I guess you would say, Felicity strayed away as much as possible from Zachary. Being a witch, and living in France meant she attended the excellent Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, and that was her home. She did alright in her classes and was tolerated by most professors. She wasn't much of a trouble maker but she wasn't afraid to speak her mind even if it meant she'd get in trouble for the violation of being disrespectful.

Staying during breaks was allowed at Beauxbatons, and Felicity was ever so grateful for that regulation. Missing home never occurred in her mind as she lived her young life at Beauxbatons. Zachary was always financially present for Felicity. He'd make sure to provide enough money for her priorities. However, that obviously never bypassed the emotional neglect that Felicity was a victim of, seeing as this is expected from a parental figure.

Friends. It was always a challenge to Felicity considering her downfalls. As said before, she believed her flaws were her defects, and her state of being an orphan. Even though technically she still did have one parent, she was ashamed of her father just as he was of her and never thought there was an important reason to bring him up with the exception of permission for events and such things as that. Associating with peers was challenging for Felicity, she felt as though she was the underdog. Most students there were born with veela in them, making them an attraction. Felicity, however, wasn't one of them. She was born in England and brought to France from a wizarding orphanage. On one side she'd always wished that she was though, because then maybe it'd take away the attention of her defected eyes. On the other hand she'd felt bad for them, she thought it must be hard to go on throughout life without knowing if people truly love you for your effects on them meaning the veela magic or truly you as a person.

Receiving negative attention such as weird looks, or hesitation when people would see her, was always hurtful. It made her feel less of a person but she had gotten used to it. No one should ever feel that way, treated differently for something they have no control of. Even some teachers would be caught staring for too long at her. Because of this she thought she was an outsider. Being outcasted like this made her avoid everyone as they did to her. With time passing, she became miserable and she truly believed she had no purpose. These thoughts led to horrible actions that she punished herself with. She was abandoned by her birth parents, born with an awful deformity, and the only person who she'd ever found love in was now gone. What was the point of this life, she asked herself in the vast mind of hers. She assumed that no one would ever see her as anything else than a freak. Oh, how she was so very wrong.

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