Knowing You [Lokius OS]

Knowing You

Loki is genderfluid and uses he/she/they pronouns :)

४

Ever since he met the god, he always liked to replay their first conversation in his head, before sleeping. It was watching it on tape, but it was better, because he lived it, he was physically there, and even if sometimes he missed some part due to his memory, he always remembered most of it. But today, he stopped on one part especially, one he hadn't thought a lot first. The variant was breaking down in front of him, and he just said "So you do know yourself". Mobius was an idiot. He should have comforted him maybe. Or embrace her. Even if they needed some authority, the agent couldn't help but regret not being soft with them. But then, there was him meeting his gaze, and his reply to this… "But do you ?". She simply had whispered this, but he heard her, before she started saying she was a villain. And now, Mobius had some troubles on his own mind.

Did he know himself ?

Does he know himself ?

Will he know himself ?

And what could this probably means ? Of course he knew himself. There wasn't much to say, after all. He was a TVA agent, created to maintain order in the sacred timeline. He liked drinking soda, and he liked the god of mischief, too. He was stubborn, he would do anything in his power to have the responses he wanted. But also, he believed in people. Being reset was something big, something he couldn't let happen, because people are lives that are yet to be discovered, personalities that are yet to be known. Mobius would stand up for every person if he could. Of course, the TVA won't let him. But he would try, again and again, because he trusted people could do better, with a good friend. With him, maybe. Could he be a good friend ? He liked to think that yes. He was caring, trustworthy, he would always encourage everyone, and he knew how to cook. This is a great point, when a god suddenly appear in your life while he has always been served by a maiden in a palace. Mobius was patient too. Dealing with Loki needed this patience, but he was stubborn. Stubborn enough to make the shapeshifter shivers in her own skin, actually.

But also…

Was all of this the real him ?

He acquired a lot of qualities (and defects) by doing the job he was assigned for. He believed in people because he was scared of the TVA and their doings. He was stubborn because it was what the thing that kept him alive. Was all his personality based on the f*cking Time Variance Authority ??? After all, they created him. But he was sure he made his own way of thinking, his own emotions, his own life. Well, maybe not his life, because he was just following the path the scared timeline had for him. Oh. Well, now he just realized how much all of this was fucked up. He couldn't be his own self, mind and flesh, because all was already written. He could understand Loki's frustration. How come he never thought of that ? Once again, surely because of the TVA. They might regulate his thinking, however their way of doing it is. He was even more scared now. So he was just a piece of a terrifying organization. A pawn. And he dragged the god in here. Well, he wouldn't have let people killed him, after all, but he should've asked him before. Now, she was as trapped as him.

Mobius let out a sob.

He never knew another life, but now he wished he did. Everything was beautiful here, too beautiful. Too regulated. Too much. It was suddenly overwhelming, and he didn't like that.

The tears were falling freely, now.

It was too huge. Too perfect. Where were the gray sky and the rain ? Where was the rainbow after the storm ? Where were the useless things people present to you that you don't understand ? Here, you know everything, everyone maybe. Some people don't even have a name, they're just hunters. They're just pieces of the same game he was trapped in.

Mobius was now crying soundly.

Here, no one cares. No one glares at you or watch you with a happy smile. No one causes troubles and no one screams after the one who was just having fun.

He calmed himself.

But now he did. He screamed after Loki everytime he was being the mischievous scamp he is. He was smiling at them in the corridors, trying to get on their nerves. And the god would gladly cause all the problems in all the timelines he could, just to get on the Timekeeper's limits of patience. This variant changed his life.

Mobius smiled while some tears were now falling from his cheeks.

In the comfort of his imagination, Loki smiled back. Even offered her hand for him to take, so he could stand up again. He was now on his freet, staring at the wall in front of him. Did Mobius just dreamt about the god of mischief ? And if it wasn't good, why did it feel so good ? Maybe Loki was a liberator, after all. Giving him the freedom of his own mind, giving him his own thoughts. The Time Variance Authority could go to hell, after all. The agent was his own person, (god he sounded like Loki now) and no one will stop him.

Someone knocked at the door.

Tiredly, the bureaucrat went to open it. Behind it stood the variant he was assigned, his variant. This one was showing a worried face, and Mobius now remembered why. The tears hadn't dried off, and his eyes were still shiny. But he didn't try to hide it, to hide himself. He trusted Loki. And Loki could live with that knowledge.

The god placed one of their hand on the agent's face, caressing it gently.

Now that all his thinking was all over the place, Mobius didn't really know what to expect, how to react. But it felt nice. He forgot about the TVA for a moment. Loki was more important than anything else in this world. He seemed to sense this genuine appreciation coming from his handler, so he smiled.

"Do you know who you are, now ?"

Mobius met Loki's eyes, a peaceful expression drawing his features. He could say a lot. He could do his thinking again, see if he missed something on the way. He could broke down again, hug Loki and cry on their chest. He could also say nothing. Be silent, act as if nothing has been asked. But he wouldn't. Instead, he smiled again.

"I don't think I actually care. I'm only myself when I'm around you."

Saying it, admitting it, it was huge. But Mobius was tired, he just questioned his entire life and his meaning on this timeline, and he was feeling awful. At first, all he wanted was to sleep, as usual. Everything felt different now, but a good different, because Loki was looking at him with this happy face of her, and her hand was still on his cheek, and the sweet warmth of it was amazing.

"Next time you cry because of me, make sure it's for a more pleasurable reason."

A wink. Mobius rolled his eyes, but kept a playful expression. Then, he made sure to kiss the smirk in front of him away. It didn't erased it, so they kissed again, and again, forgetting all about space, time, life. One thing they knew about themselves, is that they were meant to meet. They were meant to exist with each other. They were meant to be.

४

Thank you for reading!! I actually wrote this before episode 2, so if it's even more ooc now, I'm (not) sorry :'). Feedback is always appreciated!
twolivze

16/06/2021.