not so fine

you think when I smile, its real

that these sleeves are just a style

that the way I am is just.... normal maybe?

that what you see and I see are the same

well, they're not

I'm not fine, I'm fucked up

pressure eating me, swallowing me up

 what you call these jokes and harmless words are suffocating me

I'm hiding in a shell, wishing someone to crack it open

I wish I could tell you

tell you how I just wish you, or anyone will look deeper than my acting face

I guess the truth is, I am a fantastic actress, except this role never ends...until.....

until I'm alone

anything can set me off,

but the confines of these four walls when I am alone...

they just yell, scream, shriek

everything rushes back

my whole life, all those... everything

and squeezing me, till I cant breath,

id do anything to get a release, any kind of release

so, I am not as fine as I tell you, with a quick lying smile

I want you to know, you just wouldn't understand

you try to, everybody tries to

it just never works out

I hope one day I could tell you the tuth for once, I hope you wont run and break me like the others...

I just hope, hope so much that it doesn't seem real