I cannot go this way; have a major panic attack, scare everyone around you, ruin their day and then the next day voila you're okay again. I cried yesterday in front of people I love. It just came out you know. I was trying to hard after having cried already just fifteen minutes ago when I was alone. But then they asked me what was wrong. I told myself not to break down, to control it, to not let it out but I couldn't. when I cried, I confused them even more and I was so ashamed of myself. Then I told them to leave me alone and they did and at that point, I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I was determined to just stop existing but I was too coward to do anything but cry and wish I's stop breathing or just wouldn't wake up the following day.
It's the morning after. I still feel that way but again, I have suppressed it. I am just scared that one day I won't be able to suppress it anymore. One day I will be as open as a book and I might just act according to my impulse. Given a perfect situation, I am scared that one day I will be brave enough to actually do it and finally end my anxiety.
Today is not that day. I hope it never comes. But again I hope it comes soon.
YOU ARE READING
Life in a nutshell.
Non-FictionPlease be careful around me. Sometimes I am sad and I don't even know why. "You can deal with it if you try." I can't. I have tried. "Have you ever tried not being depressed?" Huh. It's that simple. I am an idiot. "Jake has cancer and he is alway...
