Through the Deep, Dark Valley

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb

When Tommy opened his eyes, he felt defeated. Here he was, up against a random tree after he had gotten into a fight with one of the people he was supposed to trust. Where was he going to stay now? How was he going to survive? He didn't have any money, and he wasn't even old enough to get a job, so he couldn't even provide for himself. He was alone and hungry, but he needed to save what little food he had shoved into his bag. Bread, crackers, and fruit cups were all he had left.

It was so lonely.

The park was quiet, and the quiet felt as though it were choking Tommy. It was early but not early enough for the stars to be out, yet not late enough for the sun to warm the Earth. Tommy shivered as he huddled deeper into his hoodie. He prayed that the bark of the tree behind him wasn't messing with the fabric, or else he would cry. The soft, pink hoodie meant too much to the child. Grabbing onto the sleeves, Tommy wiped away a few stray tears, sniffling softly.

He was alone here.

Pressing his hand against his mouth, Tommy did his best to hide his sobs. Tears began to fall to the grass, and the wind brushed his hair gently. The child curled into a ball, and he cried.

Being lost and in the park brought back memories, memories he had forgotten. Memories of his mother, of Tubbo and Ranboo, of Dream . Memories he had forced away because it hurt to remember. Memories he had pushed into a box because he didn't want to hurt. Memories he had left behind because he had been left so many times before.

As Tommy drew his head up, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were still falling, he looked at a tall tree that stood proudly in the distance. He remembered Dream and his mother taking him to this park when he was five. It had been a few weeks before his mother had left them, so it was one of the few happy memories he had of her towards the end. Dream had taken time off of work, and mother had decided that they should have a family outing. So they had gone to the park. Dream bought them all ice cream, his mother had watched with a fond smile and such sad eyes as Tommy laughed and talked about his day at school. Tommy had met Ranboo that day, and he couldn't have been happier to tell his parents of his new friend.

Dream had told him about different cows, and where they live. His mother had shown him little songs to sing when adventuring. But neither gave any hints of what was to come three weeks later.

Tommy blinked, looking away from the tree with a small sniffle. He looked towards the pond and giggled wetly. He remembered the time he, Tubbo, and Ranboo had gotten permission to go to the park on a warm day in May. The three had worn light clothing, and they had laughed more that day than ever as they ran around and rolled in the grass.

When they had seen the pond, Tommy and Tubbo had decided to play in the cool water. It was then that they had discovered Ranboo's aversion to water. So the two boys played for a while, making sure to keep clear or Ranboo while still calling out to him until they had enough. It had taken forever for them to dry off, but it had been one of the best days of Tommy's life.

Two days after that, Tommy had been taken out of school never to see his friends again.

Wiping his cheeks, Tommy sobbed softly, the back of his head resting against the tree behind him. It was still warm out, and he could almost hear the sound of his friend's laughter. "It isn't fair..." Tommy whispered, his voice hoarse.

"It isn't fair. "

And it wasn't. Tommy didn't deserve to be ripped away from his friends, from the people he cares for. Tommy didn't deserve to grow up without his mother at his side. Tommy didn't deserve to but hit and beaten for making a mistake. It wasn't fair to Tommy, and he knew this.

So why did it all feel like his fault? Dream had told him that what had happened was because of Tommy. That Tommy was the reason mother had left. That Tommy was the reason he couldn't see his friends anymore. That Tommy was the reason he was hit and belittled and beaten and bruised so often.

That it was all because of Tommy.

It was what had been drilled into Tommy's head for ten years. Dream had told him his truth for ten years. Dream had forced his truth into Tommy for ten years. Dream had convinced him for so long that Tommy had deserved what had happened to him. That he deserved the heroes not saving him. That he deserved not being helped or loved or held.

That he deserved to be alone.

That he deserved to die.

At the simple age of fourteen, Tommy had wished that he could change it all. At the simple age of fourteen, Tommy had wished to turn everything right. At the simple age of fourteen, Tommy wished to be held by his mother.

At the simple age of fourteen, Tommy cried for his lost childhood.