When we arrive at Escala, Sawyer drops me off at the entrance. Unfeelingly focused, I make my way from the elevator to our bedroom with a detached sort of tunnel vision. I can hear my forced breaths as an unforgiving hand begins a slow squeeze around my heart. I feel as though one could see my pain, even from the outside - as if I'm wearing it.
I grab a few essentials from the closet and the bathroom, stuffing them into a random bag. I'm careful to leave anything that will remind me of him or could lead him to me. Mindful of cutting all ties, I disconsolately drop my wedding ring and the precious birthday charm bracelet, dangling with all our firsts, onto the nightstand. It stings just like real cuts to the flesh.
How will I get him to leave me alone? I wonder. Stalker that he is, I know he'll attempt to keep tabs on me, try to find and contact me in an effort to find out why I left. I won't stand a chance of resisting if he pleads, arguing with the might of his charm and will. But I can't let that happen. He won't understand; for now he'll only deny the things that I know to be true, deep in my heart. I'm not and never will be enough for a man like him. If this plays out as I see it in the future, then we'll put this innocent child though a divorce, or do something equally dire, like staying in a loveless, resentful marriage for the child's sake, doing untold damage to each other.
Christian's been damaged enough. Once his infatuation with me melts from his mind, he'll come to acknowledge that I've done him a favor. Without strings to hold him back, he'll be able to exert his formidable control and forge the success that he's bound to achieve. My resolve hardens despite the crippling ache as I brace myself with another shaky breath. I know leaving is the right thing to do; he'll have no useless distractions like me hanging around, or unwanted children, for that matter, to remind him of his harrowing early years.
My inner goddess and my subconscious are crying, huddled together, the gravity of my decision felt even by them. My inner goddess is quickly losing her vitality, her light fading fast, but I can't dwell on that now. Determined again, I scan the room for anything I might have forgotten, when my eyes fall on my purse. Hastily I tip the contents onto the bed to paw through the mess for the things that I need. The blinking envelope on my phone's screen draws my attention, announcing a missed call from José. I all but gasp with the force of the solution, which hits me like a blow. José! That's it! I've no doubt that if I turn to him he'll willingly let me walk into his arms - and his life.
The plan shifts and morphs, rapidly taking shape as I fit the details together on the fly. If José and I get married right away, Christian will believe I am carrying José's child and he'll leave me alone, especially if he thinks that's what I want. I push aside the knowledge that I'll be leaving this life, this home, this man, as only half of myself, that I'll no longer own the part I'm leaving behind. I'll never be able to give myself as a whole to anyone other than Christian.
