Alex and Theodore ✓

for grief

act nine:

i
There is something to be said for grief. It is harsh and flood-like. It is merciless. Alex hasn't experienced such grief since his father died. Since his father died and he stopped dreaming and he stopped believing that the Theodores of the world might see something extraordinary in him and stay. Alex watches from the audience as Theodore does his show. He watches from the audience as Theodore's beautiful mask is rebuilt, piece by piece. He watches as the audience's whispers and murmurs cease and they forget about Theodore's red-rimmed eyes. He watches as Theodore says at the end of the show that he has been crying. Because of me! Alex almost screams. Because you'll miss me. Theodore says he will miss this place. Alex is already on fire. This is gasoline over the flames. He knows Theodore can see him. He knows Theodore can see the tears on his cheeks. He knows that he was different when Theodore's mask slips a little. When he looks directly at Alex and begins to cry.

ii
Alex is empty. He is hollow. He is full of absolutely nothing. But slowly, slowly, slowly, that feeling goes away. Slowly, his countertops warm up with the sun. Slowly, his coffee is hot when he drinks it. Slowly, his scrambled eggs have flavor. Darla is waiting for him in the cafe. The barista is smiling widely at her as two smoothies are set down. No Earl Grey. What changed? Alex asks. Today is a new day, Darla says. Theodore is long gone. Off to Broadway. He will be great there, Alex knows. Theodore is long gone, and Alex has not yet rebuilt himself. He tells Darla as much. So do it, Darla says. Rebuild yourself. But this time, rebuild yourself into something great. He knows what Darla is saying. She is saying to become the Alexander that Theodore saw. Alex doesn't know if he has the strength. Still, when the thespians are short of an act, he steps onto the stage. The world thrums around him. He knows now why Theodore loves this, why Theodore would give up anything and everything for this. It's intoxicating. Alex steps onto the stage and takes a deep breath and the music starts and he dances.

iii
Theodore sweeps into Alex's memories every so often. It always leaves him aching. Even though a thousand more Theodores have entered the theater. He is no longer Alex. He is Alexander now. Nobody calls him average anymore. The Theodores flirt with him, but he pushes them away. He searches for a boy to call extraordinary. A boy whose life he can change. Theodore sweeps into Alex's memories one night, and Alex finds himself a boy to call extraordinary. A boy to change from Alex to Alexander. And he does. But the boy is a thespian. The boy is a thespian and he leaves. The world doesn't burn. Alex isn't hollow. The mimes' cages and brick walls that he has slowly broken down over time are still dust on the floor. His eggs do not lose their flavor. His countertop is still warm. Because only Theodore could've wrecked him like that. Theodore. His first love and his last. His Theo. The Theo who made him Alexander. Alex dances every night. He dances for his mother, who cries. He dances for his friends, who clap. He dances for his father's gravestone, and imagines that the bones under it are proud. He dances in his empty living room for himself.