Incurable

Session Five: Reassurance

"So, you mean it?" I ask, handing my boyfriend back our shared vape pen — ever since we'd begun using Delta Eight to calm our anxieties and my PTSD, things seem a lot easier to manage. "Really, really mean it, though?" I ask, holding my blanket close. The cool fabric feels nice against my warm arms and cheeks, "You're not going to get tired of me?"

He looks at me with a crooked grin, the one that made me fall further in love with him the first day we met. "Of course, Babydoll. How could I ever get tired of you? You're just... so delightful. I absolutely love you," he says the same way he's always said it before, with a factual expression and gentle, Southern twang, "I love those little sounds you make when you're really happy."

I bury my face in my blanket a bit, shy and feeling butterflies in my stomach, "I don't make noises..." Yes, I do. It turns out that I make small, squeaky-like noises when I feel what I call 'small', or when I feel very, very girly and shy; so far, Devon is the only person who could ever made me feel that way. "I mean... okay, sometimes," I deny, trying to play it cool.

Devon moves my blanket away and replaces the empty space in my arms with himself, his dark, brown eyes peering into my soul. His face is like a sculpture that I can't stop looking at. His features, his jaw, his nose, his eyes... his captivating smile... his energy... all of him is enough to set me on fire on the inside. As he creeps closer to my face with his lips, my heart flutters. Kissing him, I can feel his warmth radiating over me, so I try to hold it for as long as I can, holding him closer so the kiss lasts longer.

He pulls away from me, smiling his crooked smile, "Babygirl," he says, my title rolling off his steamy tongue in a carefree tumble, leaping into my ears and disappearing, turning into goosebumps on my arms. "Let me love you," he says, beckoning as his hands slide up my shirt, feeling over my chest.

Your hands are so warm. "I want you to... I am letting you," I say softly, unsure if my words are reaching him. Before too long, the medication kicks in and I feel as if a slightly cooling summer breeze is rolling over my skin. As the windows are cracked open in our dimly-lit bedroom, everything feel comfortable and we can hear the early signs of evening's approach: crickets, coyotes beyond the tree line, and the very few birds left awake before sunset. It feels like hours, but in only a few minutes, my clothes are strewn onto the floor and I can feel my pillow and blanket against my face.

"It's been a week or so," Devon purrs in my ear, laying next to me, facing me as he brushes some of my hair behind my ear, out of my face. "If you wanted... we could, uh," he bites his lip gently, looking into my eyes, his eyebrow cocked slightly. Moving gently, he caresses my hip, pushing himself closer to me. I can feel him against me; he's hard, and by the way I can hear him breathing, he's aroused... more intensely than usual, it seems. "If you don't want to, that's okay... but... I've been thinking a lot about you. I miss how you feel..." His steamy voice glides over my neck and into my ears like a rolling thunder. Maybe it's the medication, but everything feels ten times more sensitive. Everything. The breeze that isn't there, the coyotes that aren't making any noises... they all feel real and intense. I want this.

"So have me," I say, my heart dropping into my stomach as I reach out and touch him, feeling his throb under my gentle grip, "You feel so warm... and your skin is so soft. Your hands are always warm and soft," I blush, feeling his palm's heat against my cheek while he thrusts gently in my hand. I move, getting up onto my knees and straddling his lap while he turns to his back. Looking down on him, I can see his eyes are sincere. He doesn't mind that I'm a bigger girl and that I'm on top. The excitement alone gives me butterflies, but when I feel him going inside me and getting harder, I feel adequate.

He guides me, his hands on my hips, caressing me as I rock back and forth, feeling him fill me with everything he has. His breathing is harder, a little faster, and I can feel his pulse on my fingertips as I steady myself on top of him. Soon, he starts thrusting, jostling me about as he raises a hand to my chest, gripping into my breasts as they bounce with his movements. I can feel him against my cervix, tapping aggressively as he seems to try harder to go deeper inside me.