Strawberry Ice cream

Chapter 28

College this week has had its ups and downs. I mean, I've had a few panic attacks in the bathrooms, cut a few times secretly and stuck to Harry's side like glue. I may as well be the dimple on his cheek at this point. 

The nights have been worse than the days though. From barely eating and being forced pills by Harry in the days; the nights have brought nightmares and more panic attacks than I can count. Harry has tried his hardest to help but I just feel like I'm a huge burden to him and I keep trying to avoid him in times that are possible. For example taking more toilet breaks than usual to well, not to pee or poop that's for sure. 

It's Thursday and we're in the canteen at lunch time, a salad bowl pushed in front of me and the other boys, brownies for the side. I stab at the lettuce but never bring it towards my lips or anywhere outside the bowl. 

Harry yawns into the back of his hand, rubbing his eye. He has dark circles beneath his eyes that are almost as big as mine. Almost. He picks at a cherry tomato and pops it in whole. 

"So I've sent invites out for Saturday, only around thirty people all in all so it's not a huge party. Is that alright?" Zayn discusses, turning his attention to Liam and giving him a grin.

Liam nods, chewing on a cucumber slice. "Sounds good. Have you told them to bring cossies? In case they want a dip?" 

Zayn returns the nod. "Already covered. Hey Louis, would you be able to order the drinks? Get a few kegs?" 

I snap my attention from Harry's tired looking eyes as he sleepily eats his salad and look over to Zayn. "Hm? Yeah, sure. Budweiser?" 

"Get some vodkas too Tommo!" Niall practically screams, startling me because he's been so engrossed in flicking tomato and raw mushroom from his bowl and onto a napkin. 

"Alright, calm down, Jesus, who the fuck put a two pence piece in you?" I shake my head and continue rolling the same cherry tomato around in my bowl, trying to make a game out of it where it can't touch any of the cucumber slices. 

"Stop playing with it," Harry hisses into my ear and I wince at his tone. "Sorry." He shies away when I flinch at his voice. 

I shake my head. "I don't fancy salad."

"Then eat your brownie."

"I'm not feeling that either."

"God Louis can you just eat, please!" 

See what I mean? Burden. 

I stab the tomato and the juice squirts out making me feel queasy. I shove it in my mouth and hold it in there until he turns away, spitting it back into my bowl. Zayn sees this and shakes his head warningly. I give him a look as if to say what?

Liam checks the time and groans, biting into his fudge like brownie. "We have ten minutes til next period."

I sigh heavily at this. I should be going to performing arts for a mock test but because of the deal with the college, I'll be doing the booklet in Harry's class whilst he is doing business. 

We finish off lunch break quickly and I follow on behind Harry to his next class, Liam walking beside Harry. I cross my arms over my chest, wanting to feel Harry's hand in mine but at the same time don't. 

He looks behind him to see if I'm following and his tense shoulders relax when he sees my frown. He gives me a tight lipped smile and holds his hand out for me, faltering in his step and grabbing my hand, lacing our fingers together and kissing my temple. 

I lean my head against his shoulder, inhaling his vanilla scent. 

I stay at the middle desk to work on my mock test, tapping my pen against the booklet whenever I read the question, biting hard on my bottom lip. These questions are somewhat hard and I haven't studied since before the practical exam. My pen drops from my hand and I play with my bracelets, twisting them around my wrist and scratching at them.