The dream had the images replaying over and over in my head. The sex, the gentle touch of him on my skin; the love, how I feel so much closer to him; the lies, his addiction to sex; and the truth, how he liked me. I know so much about him, how can't I? He's my best friend...
Meeting him in his Fish Camp was the best thing I could possibly have done... Just the fact that he came to me randomly, and he started talking with me. It was so priceless. The bad thing would be that I would fall in love with him later knowing he had loved his best friend at the time. I still went for it. First rejection, and it sucked so bad, but I lived to find another. When he left his girlfriend I was the first person he told. I felt special at the time that he shared that with me, but I had moved on. I was with my boyfriend for almost a year when he left me, and Ricardo was the only one who was there for me when no one else was. I was broken and just wanted to be alone. That was spring break of this past year. He became closer to me than anything. He was always there, and not once did he leave. We started dating for only almost 4 months, and now we have had sex. It makes me worried that he will leave me like he did everyone else.
It was July 9th... My birthday, and sure enough Ricardo was with me. Nothing could make me smile. 6:45 am, the clock read. In just 2 more hours I will be a year older. I can't go back to sleep so I just lay there with my eyes wide open. I feel Ricardo's arm tighten around my waist, as he does so I wanna scream because of all the pain I feel with him applying pressure to the bruises they made before they left. I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Not anymore. I would smile even if it hurt... All because he made me smile, and nothing else to it.
"Ivory" he whispers.
"hmmm?" I reply.
"I love you...." he goes back to sleep, laying his head on my shoulder... I wait a little bit more. Once he moved off my I quickly, yet quietly, got out of bed and went to take a shower. Making sure not to wake him up.
I turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. I started undress and stare at my body in the mirror.
"I wish I could tell you..." I whispered to myself.
I touched the bruises he kissed. The feel of his lips were still there. They didn't hurt as much as they used to. I remember the days I got them. All for different occasions. But all caused by my parents. Nothing much I could do. They were on vacation, and I was by myself. The steam from the water started to rise. I took one more look in the mirror, how happy that the girl in the mirror was how happy I felt. For once the girl in the mirror and I were the same person. I was free for the time being... But I will still feel free. I hopped in the shower, and felt warm beads of water hit my skin. How relaxed I was. The feeling of the beads against my
In there I started to think more about my relationship with Ricardo... How it's crazy that he's my best friend. How I love how he's my best friend. There's no one better that I can think of to have had my first time with. I loved it. I know people tell me not to be with him because he has had sex, and he has been to C.E.P., and because he used to be in a gang. But I can see past that.
When I was getting to know him all I was being told was, "look out, he's a bad guy. Not someone as innocent as you should be dealing with." I was always tired of that. I saw him as a really cool person, random, weird, and overall he was a good guy. I loved the feeling I got when I was around him. The sense of security was always there when I am near him. It's crazy that I'm so in love with him. I just don't think I could be who I am without him.
I get out of the shower and I look at the clock again.
"Happy birthday" I whisper to myself. Today is my day with Ricardo. Nothing can make me smile than to be here, alive, today with him. I love him and our day is today.
