The Regret

Big Bro

Jheizz POV:

I ain't okay yet I have to go home. I still have class and its already 9 o'clock at night. My wrist still hurt but I have to endure it. I have to. I wanna quit everything where I could have my everlasting rest. Where no pain, hurt and this, excruciate.

"What do you think you're doing? Do you think this is the appropriate time for a lady to go home? What is really your work? Are you a slut? Prostitute? Ha?!" - Mama.

"You know what Ma? I can't really find the reason why you all doing this to me. All my life I've been longing the love, care and support of a family. I work to feed you all that it must not, it would be you. I'm working all day and night just to give you money that in that way, you could also see my value in this family. Not just a trash. Can't you see?! I can't even suit myself because all I know is for your own good. What about me? Nothing left. I wish I could have a family where they could love me the way I deserve. Am I that unlucky and jinx creation? Why? Its better that you won't treat me as your daughter but throwing those inhuman words against me? Why? Did you ever lend time to know me, to see if I'm okay, if I'm still happy? No! You only care for yourself, the money that you'll use to gamble, to buy your stuffs! Aren't you ashamed that I'm your child but I'm the one who's doing all to provide your needs instead of you." - I cried.

"Haha! So you are complaining now?! You know what? I hope I didn't domesticate you and just left you in that trash. 'Coz you belong there! You are nothing. This is your role. If you hate this family, the door is open wide. You can leave! And you don't have the right to tell that to me! Come closer you bitch!" - as she walk towards me, she started to slap me, pull my hair and beat me.

If only I could chose a family, I will.

Do I deserve this? I wanted to leave, I wanted to flee. Free from this world where pain and criticisms around me. I miss the time where they only pass by in my side and no beating. Like, no attention but at least not like this that they have to hurt me.

Why I don't fight them? Because they are my family. I love them. Maybe I could forget them but it will never change that they are still my family.

"Hey, Mom! Let's go. Leave that bitch and let's go to the mall. I have to buy new makeups and dresses." - my sister who loves to spend the money that I earn. From my sweat and sleepless nights.

As they turn their back at me, is the cue for me to cry. This is my life. Seeking love, attention and care where can't find from nowhere.

*Phone Rings*

Before I answer the call, I suit myself first and pretend that nothing happened. A woman like me who use to pretend that she's okay, she's happy and everything's alright.

"Woah! Thanks God you've answered my call. Lhie told me what happened to you awhile ago. Are you okay? Do I need to arrest that bastard? How's your hand? Are you alright? Hey! Answer me!" - she immediately asked.

"W-wait! Yes, I'm okay and you don't have to report him. I'm fine now. Its just that my wrist is a lil bit hurt but it will be fine. And thank you for your concern Janey. I truly appreciate it. Seriously." - I answered trying to stop my tears from falling.

"Good to know then. If you need something, just call me, okay? And please Bessy, always take care yourself. I'm not always in your side to protect you." - she calmly said.

"Yes, I know Jane. I know and I will." - as we ended the call. I walk towards my room and lay on my bed. I want to rest, I'm too tired. If only I could just died.

I want to be with my big bro.

It was five years ago...

"Princess, why are you crying again? Are you okay? Let me see your knee." - he is my big bro. Eizz. Where he always in my side, he gets mad when someone bully me and even hurting me. He cares a lot to me. He gives what I want and I really love him so much. We are here now in park. Walking together and playing with other kids.

Someone bump on me that's why I stumble to the ground and he hurriedly came to me just to check me out.

"Oh, Princess. Its getting dark. We have to go home. Come here, I'll piggyback you. I don't want my Princess to get tired." - we arrived home and we eat dinner together because our parents and my big sister go somewhere.

He accompany me to my room and let me sleep before he go to his room.

I was in a deep sleep until cries lingers in my ears to be able to wake me up.

I saw a bunch of people looking in my big bro's room. I scratch my eyes and check if what's going on. Until...

I saw my brother laying in his bed, lifeless with white comforter covering his whole body.

I ran towards him and hoping that it's just a nightmare, but no. Its real. The man who loves me so much already left me. He's tired of me. No one will love me anymore. I'll be useless in this family again.

End of Flashback...

Whenever I remember that time, the pain hits me like it was happened yesterday.

"Hey, big bro! Could you take me there? I want to be with you. I don't want here anymore. I wish I was you who died so that I won't feel this miserable life.

Thinking of my past leads me to my rest.

××°°°××°°°××°°°××

My body hurts mostly my bruises that I get from Mama. I couldn't even stand straight but I have to go to my work. Its Saturday and I have to earn money. I ate my breakfast, hide my bruises through concealer and left home.

The smiling face of my co-worker greets me when I enter the café. I smiled back and prepare myself for my work.