my mistake

// TW: panic attacks, cheating, body insecurity, slight self harm, hints of r*pe

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sapnap knows something is wrong. he can feel it. something has been wrong between him and dream for months, but sapnap has vigilantly ignored it. he was pretending that he hasn't noticed the way that dream barely touches him, doesn't hold his hand or kiss him, doesn't wrap his arms around him when he falls asleep like he used to. doesn't eat with him, barely talks to him and doesn't watch movies with him.

it's probably his fault. sapnap knows he likes affection more than everything. he likes when he feels loved. maybe dream isn't the same? maybe he's uncomfortable with all the touching and he doesn't know how to ask sapnap to stop? maybe sapnap is to clingy and dream doesn't like the way he takes every occasion to kiss or hug him?

he knows that isn't true. dream wasn't like this before. he loved the cuddly nights they had and how they always hugged while watching a movie together. and dream was always showing his love to sapnap by saying affectionate words.

"i love you, pandas. my words can't express the feelings i have for you. they are big, huge even. i wouldn't let you go for anything, anyone. you are mine and i'm yours. forever."

"you promise?"

"promise."

god he missed this. now dream was like a different person.

but he doesn't know what's the problem is. he wanted to talk to dream, tried to fix it. but all he got was anger, and maybe he deserved it. it's his fault after all.

-

sapnap lingers in the doorway of dream's room, eyes fixed on the figure of his boyfriend. dream is sitting in his chair, blonde hair falling at his face as it escapes the loose bun. he isn't sure if dream doesn't see him, or just doesn't care that he's there. 

"dream?" he says quietly, voice uncharacteristically nervous. he doesn't like that feeling.

"what?" comes the harsh response, dream's tone cold. he doesn't even look at sapnap as he speaks.

sapnap wants to cry. and he almost does.
"i just- i made you a tea. i wasn't sure when you last had a break, and i was thinking that maybe we could go-" he softly says, tears threatening to spill. before he can end his sentence he's interrupted by dream's voice.