my mistake

my secret

it’s been two months since dream and sapnap broke up. it’s been two months since sapnap’s worst heartbreak. he feels so mentally drained. he didn’t expect it to turn out this way. he wanted to marry dream and he thought that maybe dream wanted that too.

he was so upset, so mad at the blonde that he ignored all his calls and messages. who wouldn’t be mad if he found out that the person who you loved the most, who you gave everything to, who you trusted with your entire life, betrayed you like this?

he couldn’t forgive dream.
he couldn’t.
it’s so unfair that he wants to, and deep inside his heart he still loves the green eyed man.

oh.. his eyes. dream’s eyes were the most beautiful thing sapnap has ever seen. dream was perfect in every way. he loved (still loves) his freckles too. the way that they decorated his skin was very comforting, even if it sounds weird. he loved being held by his dream. when they were cuddling he always held him close and sapnap liked to count the little stars on his cheeks when he was bored. he was rarely bored with dream though.

oh god, he really missed his dream. it wasn’t his dream anymore. he wasn’t even a dream, more like a nightmare.

he knows that dream was just frustrated. he wanted something more in their relationship. he wanted to feel sapnap in a different way. and even if sapnap wanted that too he was just scared. because what if dream won’t stop when he tells him to? just like that guy. and he knows that it’s horrible and he really shouldn’t feel like this. he can trust dream and he knows that the blonde won’t hurt him or even do anything to make him uncomfortable. it’s just that fucking trauma that changed him so much and he hates it.

he hates feeling like he’s not enough but he knows it’s a sad truth.
why is he never good enough?

he hates himself so much.

after what feels like weeks he finally got out of bed. sapnap had never been a messy person and he liked to keep his room clean but it was so hard to do anything, so the apartment didn’t look great. he looked in the mirror and thought that he didn’t look good either. he never did. not good enough for dream too. he looked like shit and that’s why dream fucked with george and cheated on him.

sapnap wasn’t sure if he ate anything today but he really wanted to sleep. when the ravenette got back in his bed he thought that maybe it’s time to check his phone.

Dreamie<3

sapnap

please

(16 missed calls)

im sorry

um so sorry

pmease

(42 missed calls)

forgive me

please

i love you so much

youre ny everything

please dont leave me

i know i dont deserve forgiveness but please

(50 missed calls)

i love yoi

okay i will give you some time

to think about everything

i live you

anger filled sapnap’s body. this fucking idiot, dream, cheated on him and made him feel like shit for months and now he has the right to say ‘“i love you”? it’s so fake. he can feel it in his throat.

suddenly he can’t breathe. nick imagines dream calming him down. it always helped him even if dream was the reason of most of his panic attacks.
"hey, hey, pandas i got you"
"breathe with me, look at me, look i’m here and i will always be"
"tell me three things that you can see, two that you can feel and one that you can smell"
"come on, we're going to cuddle"

he’s fine. everything is fine. he doesn’t need dream, he should throw him out of his life and leave him in the past.

but he can't.

sapnap decides to leave dream on read.
the ravenette doesn't have energy for this.

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im sorry for the very very late update butttt i didnt want to leave you guys hanging especially when i saw some of ur comments :)) thank u for everything i rlly rlly appreciate it!!<3