Falsettos College AU

It's Hot In The Library

Trina

I flop down on one of the couches in the library, next to Mendel. He gives me a nod hello but doesn't look away from his phone.

"How's it going?" I ask.

"It's going fine. Could be better. Hey, Marvin and I have been talking a bit more."

I frown. "That's weird."

"Thanks, Trina."

"No, I just mean I thought you guys didn't get along that well," I point out. I adjust my position on the couch to face him and cross my legs. "How's psychology going?"

"It's fine." It doesn't seem like he's in much of a mood to talk, so I don't. I look around the library instead. It's a pretty cozy place, and it's sort of our meeting spot whenever we hang out. Aside from the shelves of books, there are a couple of round tables and a corner with the couch we're sitting on. The walls around it are glass, so we can see everybody pass by, which is creepy but also sort of cool.

"Do you need any life advice?" Mendel questions, putting his phone down. "I'm always here to give it to you."

"No, thanks," I laugh.

"Okay. Just, you know, call me when you do."

"Of course," I answer with a smile. Mendel smiles, too, and we sit there looking at each other for a while. I can practically feel my pupils dilating, so I look away. He clears his throat and goes back on his phone.

I shake out my hair with my hands. It may be the middle of October, but it's still hot, especially in the library, and it feels like it weighs a million pounds on the back of my neck. Or maybe that's just the tension in the room.

"I should probably get going soon."

"You just came here," Mendel remarks.

Damn it. He's right. But I'm starting to feel more and more hot, and it's getting more and more uncomfortable. I wonder if Mendel notices this, because in spite of his previous statement he nods.

"Well, sure. Go ahead."

"I'll call you!" I assure him, standing up and taking my sweater off as I do so. God, why is it suddenly a million degrees in here? I glance back as I'm leaving the library. Mendel is on his phone again, paying no attention to the fact that I'm sweating through my shirt.

When I get back to my dorm, I sit on my bed and ask myself what the fuck happened back there. Maybe the heat was just turned way up in the library? I feel fine now. Jesus.

I notice my phone on my pillow, blowing up with texts. I must have left it here while I went to the library. They're all from Marvin. Oh, God. I wonder if he's saying anything else about Whizzer, but so far it's just been, Hey Trina. Hey. Where are you? Can you see my messages? Why aren't you answering?

Marvin: Trina please answer me

Marvin: I know you're reading these texts.

Trina: I just got back from the library, tf you want?

Marvin: Who were you at the library with??

Trina: ...does it matter?

Marvin: Was it Mendel 🤨

Trina: Why do you even care? You were basically ignoring me for the past few weeks before you sent me those texts. Btw, you've been paying me more attention in the last half hour than you ever did in high school.

Marvin: Can you stop roasting me and just answer the question?

I start to type, No, Marvin, I can't answer your question until you answer all of mine. What exactly happened with you and Whizzer while we were dating? Why do I keep trying to tell myself this will all be okay when it obviously won't? Why can't you just listen to me for once? Why are you so self-absorbed? Why do I get insecure when I think about your boyfriend even though I know I don't want to let myself love you anymore? But I delete all of it.

Trina: Yeah I was with Mendel

Marvin: Ok cool ig

Marvin: Anyway I was just wondering how college is treating you?

Trina: Pretty awfully if you must know

Marvin: I don't mean running into me and finding out I've moved on.

Ouch.

Marvin: I just mean in general. Classes and shit

Trina: Uh also pretty badly

Trina: There's lots of work and I'm stressed out

Marvin: You're stressed?

Trina: Oh no Marvin, I'm not stressed at all at the idea of you leaving me for a man I'm going to spend the next four years at school with and haven't even met yet because you don't seem to care about anything I say and you never did.

Marvin: Oh

Marvin: I'm really sorry Trina

Trina: Whatever. Let's just put it all behind us

Trina: How's school treating you?

Marvin: It might make you feel better to hear this but I'm pretty drained too

Trina: Just a little better :)

Marvin: Mhm

Marvin: We'll I guess I'll let you go and hang out with Mendel some more in the library or whatever you're doing tonight

Trina: So passive aggressive Jesus Christ

Marvin: True...

Trina: I'm not even hanging out with him tonight, I'm probably just going to watch Netflix on my laptop and question my life choices

Marvin: Sounds fun

Trina: Goodbye.

Maybe that was a little abrupt, but I don't feel like talking to him anymore. The sweat from the library is gone and now it has more of a distressed, frustrated vibe. God, I really need to take a shower.

Since I live in a dorm, I don't get my own bathroom, so I go to the one at the end of the hall. There's nobody in there, so I don't hesitate to grab a towel and get in there. And while I'm in the shower, I cry. I just let out all the overwhelming emotions I've been bottling up since I broke up with Marvin, since I saw him here, since I've been talking to Mendel. I cry to relieve the stress, the knowing that it's not Whizzer's fault I'm starting to hate him. I cry about the fact that I don't even know the circumstances but I'm almost positive Marvin left me for him.

When I get out, I feel drained but a little bit better. I secure my towel around me before heading into the area with the sinks, and then I hear the bathroom door swing shut. Oh, shit, that probably means someone was in here and was listening to me cry for the last ten minutes. Oh, well. Those feelings aren't gone now, but it's nice not to repress them anymore.

I make my way back to my dorm, and I'm relieved to see there are no more notifications— I don't think I could have handled texting Marvin any longer. It's fairly early, but I'm tired, so I get ready for bed almost right away.

Life is tough. It's stressful. It hurts. But sometimes, I guess, it helps to text your ex and then cry in the shower.

God, I'm a mess.