Charlie The Bull...

Joe Black was busy. He had to buy some cattle for his dairy farm and he was planning on flying out to Nova Scotia to look at a herd of Heifers. When his foreman, Matt Drake came into the office he was shaking his head. He was not a happy man.

''Joe, you're not going to believe it. I was at the Gibson Farm and some fuckin' idiot has pitched a tent in the field. I went to talk to him and asked him to politely leave but he was as ignorant as they come.''

After looking at his watch, Joe told Matt he would go with him and they'd talk with the interloper. As they drove towards the field, they saw a big red tent, with two guys and a girl sitting in front of it in tank tops and shorts. They were smoking something and passing it among themselves. Two more tents had been pitched. Joe started to seethe. ''This Matt, is fucking ridiculous.''

They drove into the farmyard and parked. The cattle were in the field beside the yard, so Joe and Matt put them in the corral and locked the gate. It took about ten minutes. They then started walking down the pasture. By the time they reached the red tent, the three people were eating a pizza that they had been baking over a fire that they had made in a recently dug pit.

Joe walked over to the pit and with Matt started kicking dirt over the flames. One of the guys at the tent stood up. ''Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing, we made that pit.'' Joe glared at him but didn't stop kicking dirt till the flames were completely out and the pit was covered over. He put his hand down on the dirt to make sure there was no heat.

''Do you realize you're all trespassing. Now take your fucking tents down and get the hell off the property.'' The man who had complained about them putting out the fire started laughing ''I don't know who you think you are but we don't recognize your ownership of this property. We believe that the land belongs to us all and we will stay as long as we want.''

Out of the corner of his eye, Joe could see Matt clenching his fist. ''Well, firstly we don't live in a communist country, and this land is owned by me. So the only right you have is to leave the property before I throw you off it.''

The girl who smelled of marijuana walked over. ''My name is Cee Cee and I'm a first-year Law student. You could be a test case for us. I believe that it is in the Charter of Rights, that every person should have access to land used for agriculture. It's like water. Nobody owns the water, so why should you own the land? The third guy joined the discussion. ''Look Man, we are biking across Canada. We'll probably stay here for a week or two and then we'll move on. What's your problem with that?''

Matt took a step forward. ''Are all three out of your fucking minds. Joe pays taxes and fucking owns the property. You have already caused a potential problem by lighting a fire. You don't have any right to be on the land, so get the fuck off. Now!''

Joe noticed that the more aggressive Matt was getting the more arrogant the three trespassers were acting. Joe asked the guy who had set up the red tent his name. ''My name's Oliver. I'm an Assistant Professor of Humanities and Philosophy at King River College.

After kicking at the dirt, Joe looked at the three people who had parked in his field. ''So, we have a wannabe lawyer, an academic, and what do you do bozo?'' The third guy acted indignantly ''My names Napolean and I'm an artist.''

Joe looked at Matt, and nodded. ''I'm giving you a warning. If you don't leave the field now, two things are going to happen. First, I'm going to let Charlie visit you. Charlie is a mean cuss. He won't hesitate to gore you, stomp you and kick you. He likes nothing better than the colour red, it makes him pure loco. I guarantee if he sees you three in the field, you will pay a heavy price. On the way over I called the Police and they should be here shortly to charge you with all kinds of things. Cee Cee is going to have a busy summer fighting the charges. I wonder how her Law School is going to like having a criminal in their program. Anyways, I came here to meet you and be reasonable, but I see it can't happen. You three are assholes. Let's go Matt, we'll let Charlie do his thing.''

Napolean let out a derisive laugh. ''Send that Charlie over, we're not afraid of him.'' Just before they started walking away, Matt turned to Napoleon. ''You fucking Moron, Charlie is a Charlois Bull. He weighs about four thousand pounds and he's not social. Good luck having a discussion with him.''

Joe and Matt started walking away and they heard Cee Cee say, ''I bet they're bluffing.'' Joe and Matt both chuckled. As they got closer to the corral, Matt opened the gate between the barnyard and the field that the three stoned friends had their tents in.

Joe went to the corral and let the cattle out and on cue, Charlie came bounding out. He was directed by Joe and Matt to the opening where the fence was and he started to run towards the three people in the field. Joe and Matt could hear them screaming and see a lot of action happening.

Cee Cee, Napolean, and Oliver threw their tents over the fence. Next they heaved their bicycles and backpacks. Watching them was worth the price of admission. They all scrambled over the fence as Charlie bore down on them. By the time Charlie, reached the tent site, the three intruders were starting to ride off. It was mission accomplished.

Joe and Matt walked back to Charlie and led him out of the field, so he could rejoin the rest of the cattle. What the three jerks didn't know was that Charlie was one of the biggest babies of all time. He had been around people all his life and he loved their company. He was super friendly and was running towards the three stoners to get a pat on the head and some attention.

Joe headed for the airport as he was running behind schedule. As he got on the highway he kept thinking about the audacity of the three people who had entered the field without permission and how the situation had played out. It was one of those times that being full of bull really paid off.