Harrington 3

Baby, Please Don't Go

There's a hand on my shoulder, and I look away from Max's crying form. It's Steve, his face uncharacteristically serious as he looks from me, to Jonny, to Max.

"We should go."

I sniffle, then nod, and Will passes me on to my brother, who lets me lean on him. My eyes find the Mind Flayer as we pass by, a fire erupting around it and the neon lights still flickering above. Across the mall, Lucas, Jonathan, and Nancy are descending the escalator, and at last, Mike and El tear Max away from her dead brother. I'm in too much shock to cry, even as I leave Jonny behind, clutching his own skateboard. I feel nothing except Steve's arm keeping me up, until I step outside and see the commotion. I see firemen and officials and everyone that doesn't get it.

Then I feel annoyed. I feel annoyed at the firemen for thinking that they can fix everything by putting out a single flame. They have no idea. They don't understand that it's all unfixable.

"Come on," Steve mumbles, leading me over to an ambulance. I push him away furiously.

"I'm fine, Steve," I snap, and he doesn't reach for me as I wander away. I'm fine, I think, but I can't even lie to myself.

It's everything in me not to fall to the ground. The weight of it all is close to crashing on my shoulders, but I don't let it. Not yet. I need Hopper; he's the only one who will understand.

I see El, and head towards her, because wherever she is, Hopper will follow. She too is searching around, and I scan my surroundings, seeing Will sitting in an emergency vehicle with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

It all seems so trivial now, my pathetic teenage love life. Back when my only dilemma was whether or not I should take Jonny back. Now it's too late. Maybe if I had taken him back, he would still be alive. He wouldn't have followed me here, and he wouldn't have saved me. I would be dead, and he would still be here. Surely that's how it should've gone?

Will suddenly jumps up and throws off his blanket, breaking into a sprint. I watch as he runs over to his mom, who's dressed in a Russian uniform, and hugs her tightly. She sobs into his shoulder, squeezing him until I'm sure neither of them can breathe. I search around her for Hopper, knowing that he'll be close.

Then, Joyce looks up at me and El.

One look at her face and I know. One look at her expression and I know that I'll never get a break. My stomach plummets, my heart reduced to ash, and I can't feel my hands. Next to me, El's face is contorting into that of grief, whereas mine is delayed, and instead is frozen in the state just before. The state of contemplation and denial. I feel my soul rip from my body as I realize the harsh reality that he's gone. I feel every nerve inside me tear apart as I experience the worst agony I've ever felt in my entire, painful life. Hopper, the one that first found out. The one that was always there for me, even when I was being a nuisance. The first sliver of hope in my life, the first real friend. And he's gone. To me, he was like a father, and he loved me. I know he loved me, but I also know he loved El. More than anything.

And here she is beside me, her knees buckling, and all I can think is that Hopper would want someone to hold her. All I can hear is his voice, telling me that someone needs to catch her before she falls.

So, although I'm being torn apart myself, and although I lost someone so incredibly dear to me, I wrap my arms around Eleven, who lets out a scream of despair and falls onto me. Somehow I manage to hold her together, even though pieces of myself are shattering away from me.

She sobs into my chest, and I let her cry for us both. I'll cry later, when my brain is intact and I'm no longer numb to all of the pain tonight has brought. El has been through just as much, if not more than me. She needs someone to lean on. She needs a shoulder to cry into. I force myself to be that person. I let her show her emotions, and I turn all of mine off.