bokuakakuroken oneshots

i don't deserve you

hello! welcome to my first book! i apologize if you see any mistakes with my writing style, my plan is to use this book to get better at writing until i'm comfortable with my own work enough to make a full story with a plot. i would really appreciate if any of you could take the time to read through some of it, and then leave feedback on how to improve and what writing mistakes need some correcting! 

Most people don't fully realize how much displaying yourself on the media can affect one's mental health. Though streaming, playing, and making Youtube videos for a living sounds like a dream job and is thought to be something so easy to make money off of, it takes a lot of work. From the countless hours of streaming to entertain people that come and go to the 4 am late nights editing new videos to be frequently uploaded, and most of all the hate that comes their way. Being a content creator, hate is inevitable, it's true, but it's tiring. Sometimes people just can't shrug off the negative comments towards them, and it hurts. In conclusion, streaming is mentally draining sometimes.

Kozume Kenma, internet alias known as 'Kodzuken', is a Youtuber, as well as a twitch streamer. He loves his job, he's making money off of his favourite hobby, of course, he'd adore it. Though he goes through this tough spot every once and a while, just like every other content creator.

"I should make this vault... shit." Kenma groaned as he played Dead by Daylight for his viewers on stream. "The hitboxes on this game are so fucking bugged please- and it's a bubba who downed me near basement too"

(so as i look over this as editing i realize i'm just putting my frustration with this bhvr and the hitboxes in my fanfic yes)

As he just gets face camped for the rest of the game, he takes the time to go through his chat and answer some questions. Most of them are simple, just asking his favourite game or genre of music, some aren't even questions and just statements. Kenma soon died in his game, as he looked at how long he had been live for, the time approaching six hours. On that note, he decided to end the stream and wished everyone to stay safe and take care of themselves, wishing them a good rest of their evening and ending the live.

He looked through the chat seeing the countless farewells and finishing comments, as one catches his eye. It was a particularly negative comment, and he felt a pang in his heart after he read it. This confused him, as he normally handled hate very well, always simply brushing it off because it didn't and shouldn't affect him. Sitting back in his chair, he exited out of his tabs and turned off his PC, but didn't make any move to get out of his seat. Instead, he just sat there, relaxing and just taking a moment to think after his day. Still thinking about that one comment, he slowly started tapping his fingers in the thought of what he had done to make that viewer think that way of him. Growing up he was always insecure about what other people thought of him, but he slowly learned how to deal with it over time and not care about it as much. He wondered why this one time he was taking it to heart, and tried to change the subject in his mind, thinking about something that made him happy. Something that he wanted to think about, something that calmed him, instead of all these thoughts invading his head.

'Happy' he thought. What made him happy? Who helped him in these situations, where he tended to overthink everything. Every action, every word that was spoken, every time he thought he did something wrong. So what made him happy? What made his life worth living, what made him smile during his times of sadness. His boyfriends. All three of them brought more joy into his heart, made him feel safe when all he needed was warmth from another.

Kuroo Tetsurou was a calming presence, he understood Kenma and was able to comfort him without words. Their childhood friendship had made them the closest in their whole relationship, being able to talk about what had been bothering either one of them, and knowing how the other acts and reacts to any situation. They know each other inside and out.