Trigger Warning.

Newness

I guess... a part of me always knew.

When we were together your eyes couldn't help but wander.

But I think part of me had to hold on to that hope. That slim, slim chance that I was only seeing things and making myself worry.

But I saw it in the way you looked at me. Or, maybe in the way you didn't. Either way I saw it.

It was in your kisses. It was in your hands. In your body and in your words. In the way you could barely bring yourself to hold me at night.

I still... I still wanted it to work. I stayed but I knew I would get more hurt the longer I did.

But when I saw you with him it still hurt.

It hurt to see you having sex with someone else. Of course, it hurt. But I think it hurt more to see how you had sex with him.

It was sensual and slow and almost... well, almost loving. With me it was the opposite. It was fast and harsh and no words were ever spoken. It was almost like you wanted sex with me to be over as soon as possible.

And well, Jacob, I understand.

I understand wanting a newness and a different feeling. I do.

But couldn't you have just dumped me? I mean, I already knew you were gonna be with someone else. I knew you were cheating. I knew your heart belonged to someone else.

But I didn't need to see it like that.

I didn't need to come home from a month long tour just an hour too early to hear the headboard of our shared bed smack against the wall.

I didn't need to be confused, holding out hope that maybe you were just hanging something up in our room or moving furniture.

I didn't need to open the door to our room and see you behind him. See someone you had called a friend so many times on his hands and knees, your hands on his hips as you continued to thrust into him.

I didn't need to see the way you stopped but didn't even have the decency to pull out and cover up as you realized that I was standing there.

And I didn't want to hear you call me baby and tell me you love me, more in the span of ten minutes than in our whole relationship, trying to justify your actions.