At the Right Time

Chapter Twenty-Two

Rylie ~ Present

Maxwell has been gone all week and that's fine with me. I needed a breather after our last encounter.

I've been able to mostly finish the apartment, but I'm stuck on the bedroom. Sigmund Freud would love that I can't go in there without vivid flashbacks of Maxwell and I, or in-depth daydreams that I shouldn't be having.

Brian has also been busy all week, and our much-needed talk has been delayed until tonight.

I take the chicken out of the oven as a knock sounds on my door.

"Hey." Brian grins at me when I open the door.

"Hi." I fake a smile, but my nerves are swimming.

"Smells delicious."

"I hope it will be."

We sit down together. The food in front of me that I spent my afternoon making now looks unappealing.

I don't want to break up with Brian. I've spent the last six months of my life looking forward to him.

I'd been single for a long time. It took a lot for me to let that guard down again, even if I feel it still isn't down completely.

Brian walked into the bar after a long day of court. I never give my customers the idea they could have a chance with me.

But he was kind and charming. He kept making me laugh and we had great conversations.

I remember the first night I met him, feeling like I could really do it. "It" being date. Find love again. Trust again.

He was the first person in a long time that I could see myself with. He's been nothing but good to me. And here I am, conflicted as hell.

Not just over anyone. No, that would be too easy. I'm conflicted over the very man who made me so fucking closed off to begin with.

Maxwell and I were like a fire. But all fires burn out eventually.

Should it even be a thought in my mind that he means the things he's saying to me? That he could be in this for the long haul this time?

I trusted him once and got cut. I don't know if I am physically able to do it again.

That doesn't mean I should be with Brian, though.

Brian deserves someone who will love him unconditionally. At the end of the day, no matter how comforting he is for me, I can't say I'm in love with him.

I know what it's like to be in love.

Being in love is all-consuming. It's this feeling that your chest might explode and a rush of adrenaline being near them. It's the feeling that nothing else in the entire worlds matters as long as you have them. Being in love is knowing no boundary. Knowing their soul inside and out. Knowing that they have the ability to crush you, but trusting that they won't.

Unfortunately, in my case, he did.

Maxwell crushed my heart and I wish I could hate him for it.

I've tried to hate him.

I guess that's the thing about being in love with someone. You never really fall out of it. My brain can tell my heart that keeping the sweetest, most tender parts of Maxwell and I's relationship tucked away in the deepest corners of my soul for a rainy day isn't healthy. I can show myself the facts. I can relive that day where my heart shattered.

None of that, not even the darkest parts of my life thereafter and remembering how it hurt so badly I thought I might not make it.

Not even that can make my heart stop longing to be held by him again.