Deal With It

Already Off To A Bad Start

Wanda jolted awake with an unsteady heartbeat and sweaty palms. The nightmares she had been having were really starting to drain her in every possible way. The worst part was Wanda always remembered the dreams vividly. They almost always consisted of inner thoughts that she had pushed away and buried deep in an attempt to forget about them entirely. Although, how did she expect to feel when she had decided to completely neglect everything in her life? After all, she wasn't exactly in the best mental state after the recent death of her twin, Pietro. As if the death of her parents when she was young wasn't tragic enough. Wanda's anxiety and depression thrived within her unstableness. She had resorted to smoking in an attempt to relieve the guilt that she dealt with everyday. There were some days when Wanda would feel completely fine and, dare she say, happy for a moment or two, but those never lasted long; she would scream at herself for feeling decent after all the terrible shit that had happened to her. Happy days were few and far between, though. Wanda usually felt indifferent to everything around her. Why give in to happiness when it can ripped away from you anytime the world wants it to be?

When Wanda and Pietro's parents died, they were forced to move in with their aunt, which wasn't so bad when they were little. Their parents left them with enough money to be comfortable for a little while, but the money dwindled down quickly and they were soon left with barely anything. Wanda's aunt started working double shifts and started taking care of them less and less. She also returned to her alcohol addiction after being sober for years. Wanda and Pietro could feel the stress they put on her, so they started taking care of themselves. Pietro's death put even more stress on the small family. After the funeral, Wanda barely spoke to her aunt at all. She was left home alone most of the time, but that was when Wanda felt the most comfortable anyways.

Wanda turned to the alarm clock next to her bed. Luckily, it was only five o'clock in the morning so Wanda had time to settle down before forcing herself to go to the hellhole that is high school. High school wouldn't be as bad as it was made out to be if the students weren't such assholes. Wanda held resentment towards almost every single person who ever laid a foot inside that damn school. She kept who she wanted in her life close to her and didn't care about the rest. Wanda had never really fit into the box that people strived to be accepted into. Of course there was the group that considered themselves "popular,"-whatever that means, but she mostly steered clear of them and tried to keep interaction to a minimum. Everyone outside of that circle meshed together, except for the few people Wanda actually liked; although that group got smaller and smaller every year, especially after Pietro died. Almost every single conversation she had after he passed consisted of, "Hey Wanda, I heard about what happened. I can't imagine how you must be feeling."

No you can't so please just shut up.

"I'm so sorry. Pietro was an amazing person."

Did you even know he existed?

Wanda would usually just say, "Thanks," with a nod of her head and wander off. It felt as if people were coming out of the cracks of the walls just to bother her. She had been offered fake condolences and niceties by almost everyone. That's when she dialed up the eyeliner and black clothes-maybe they'll just leave me alone now.

The one constant in her life for the last few years was her one and only true friend, Agatha. It was one of those, "we met on the playground in third grade and we've been friends ever since," friendships. Agatha and Wanda had become very close during freshman year which was when Wanda was also brutally betrayed by one of her other closest friends. Agatha lived nearby and would visit Wanda almost everyday.

Wanda grabbed her phone off the nightstand and texted her favorite number.

Wanda: are you up??

Agatha: no, go back to bed