Revolution

CHAPTER 19

Army

"- No! - I scream heartbreakingly, my sister's body lies in my arms unconscious, there is nothing to do, she is dead."

I wake up with the heartbeat in the sky and very sweaty, since the accident I have nightmares of her blaming me, and also like today: her lifeless in my arms.

"Yesterday was my 10th birthday and they gave me a soccer ball, I really like it, I go to Amelia to see if she wants to play with me, she is 6 years old and sweet and cute like her older brother.

-  Do you want to play ? - I ask.
-
- Yes - she says excitedly.
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We play all afternoon, when we leave, she snatches it from me and throws it away.

- You can't reach me - and she runs towards the ball that goes to the street, I try to reach it and when she is picking it up it happens, Amelia is run over.
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- Amelia !!! - I reach her, I hold her in my arms - Help !, Help, please! - I look up and see my mother leave.
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- What are those Army screams !? - He shouts from the door but, as he advances in my direction, his jaw drops and he runs towards me - What happened? My girl, what happened? - He says between tears and tears.

- We were playing .. and she took my ball, threw it .. it was in the street, she ran towards it .. I tried to reach it but I couldn't mom - I have a broken heart and Tears all over my face - they ran over her, no I ran long enough, I'm weak.

The ambulance is coming - someone tells me behind me. At the moment the paramedics arrive and we go to the hospital, they admit Amelia, they do a lot of tests and check-ups, I want to see her but they won't let me.

- Because of you, my baby is in there, you are weak, you will carry this burden on your conscience Army - my mother snaps.

- I know mom - I answer crying still.

- Do not tell me like that, from today I stop being your mother.

A few days later, the doctors gave us the tragic news: Amelia, my 6-year-old sister died. "

I have a motorcycle and I have not taken anyone behind, feeling the responsibility of taking care of someone else's life and at the same time The memory of Amelia is something that I cannot describe, I feel tense and angry. When Flavio got sick, that's why I refused to let Ciara go with me, I didn't want something to happen to her because of me, because of the rage I felt I hit the brakes. My sister was a happy, smiling girl, she was always dressed in colorful, floral or cartoon dresses, she was very energetic, on the other hand I avoided the world of her liveliness.

I go for my bike, start and let my wheels kiss the asphalt, stop and park next to the door.

The Bellavista North cemetery, they classify it as dark, I see it nostalgic and lifeless, the bars are opened by the old man who is a caretaker and he lets me pass, I walk among the graves looking for the one that interests me.

Amelia Zarzuela
Will always remember you
2009 - 2015

Reading the epitaph makes my heart twist in pain.

- I'm sorry - I say putting the flowers on the side of the grave - forgive me, I was not too fast to stop you and prevent everything from happening, Amelia sorry, I was not a good older brother, I did not take care of you as I should, remember that I love you and always I will love you little sister - I leave the cemetery in tears, for her I transformed and buried the sweet child who wore colors, or she dresses me in black, I am grumpy with life and I have no direction. My phone rings and I answer.

- Will you come?

- If I go to there.

I didn't go to school today, as long as Amelia has an anniversary and I have an appointment, I don't go; this day is mine.

I get on again and start heading towards the clinic, I arrive and I don't need an introduction, they already know me, so I go into the office and lie down on the black leather sofa.

How you feel ? - the psychologist asks me.

- I don't know how to explain it, I feel anger, pain but no more than there - I answer looking at the white of the ceiling and I don't know why it calms me down.

-  How is she ? - I know you're talking about Amelia.

- He's resting.

- He thinks he's in a better place, Army wasn't your fault, you didn't know what was going to happen - affirms the psychologist Rodríguez.

- Maybe you're right, maybe it's time to let go of the memory of Amelia and stop blaming me - it's been six years with this guilt, it's my moment.
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- I'm glad you think so - he says with a closed-mouthed smile.

- It's time to be me again.

After the consultation, I do not go home, I drive through the streets and stop in a park, I go to the largest tree and I feel at its roots. It's been a while and I hear someone cry on the other side; They are the sobs of a girl, I look out and see the smiling girl who reminds me of Amelia deep in tears, Ciara has her head bowed and the tears run down her cheeks, I breathe and approach her.

Hello Ciara - I break the silence.

- Go I do not want you to see me like that - I salute.

- It doesn't matter how I feel.
-  How ? - She asks, he's so innocent.

- I also suffer girl, do not be surprised - I say taking a seat next to her.

- You didn't go to class today.

- I always do not attend this day, I take it for myself.

-  Because ?.

- For my sister, she died years ago - I don't know why I said it, but with her it's easy to get along.

- Sorry Army.

- Also for someone, the abandonment of a father is like death, many nights he did not sleep, blaming me for what he was asking me Was I a good daughter? Did I give him as much love as he deserved?

- I've been in the same situation, Amelia died because of me, she ran after the ball and I couldn't stop her - I say exhausted.

- It wasn't your fault Army.

- That's what my psychologist says.

- If he says it, it's because it's true.

- I want to drop it, but I don't know how.

- Did you ask for forgiveness? - how often.

- Yes.

- Did you take her favorite flowers?

- Yes, he loved lilies.

- Then rest assured that you have his forgiveness - his words delve into me.

- Thanks Cia, I feel better - I say smiling, I Army Zarzuela am smiling again at life.

- We have to find someone who understands our situation.