Construction Of Love

1. Once There Was

"No matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again." - Buddha

A dead brother was the worst I thought I could have it, but as it turns out, that was just my beginning. Dawn had just broke, not that anyone would know due to a series of dark grey clouds painted the sky, as if it were protecting the earth from the sun. I watched the scenery through a small window placed above the kitchen sink.

A deep sigh escaped my lips, a rainy birthday, great. I made my way towards the kitchen table, the thing was older than me and the entire top surface was covered in either scratches or stains from everyday use. I placed my mug down on top of a familiar brown stain, which had become faded with attempts to remove it completely. When I finally sat down, it hit me. I haven't seen Jonathan yet. My head instinctively turned from left to right, as if he were in the room and I just hadn't acknowledged him yet.

When my eyes were finally drawn back to the dark liquid that occupied my cup, the tapping of the rain droplets hitting the roof started to pick up. Thoughts were racing through my mind, Jonathan's door was open so I already knew he wasn't in his room and he wasn't in the kitchen, our house wasn't big enough for him to be hiding. Where did I see him last? Where did I last see him? I traced my finger around the edge of my cup. Last night? Suddenly a bang sounded from outside, it sounded as if something had hit the gate.

My head shot up and I raced for the door. I swung the small blue door open, the door frame was 6 inches shorter than me standing at full height so ducking my head was instinct. My heart dropped, I had thought that maybe he had gone out late and was just arriving home. To my dismay the noise had been a branch falling from the large cedar that was planted out front long before my family moved here. As I gazed out for one last glance, hoping I would cat my brothers familiar figure before heading back inside I realized how much the storm had begun raging. There was a thick wall of down pour blocking my vision preventing me from seeing past the driveway. I assured myself, Jonathan was a smart man, there was no point risking his life getting a ride here just for some birthday messing around. It's not like we could do much today anyways the weather was atrocious.

As the last drop of coffee made its way down my throat I heard the floor creaking and the soft thumps of mum making her way to the bathroom. Even if the sky may not display morning, mum was always awake the same time everyday, which would be somewhere around eight fifteen if I had a working watch on me. I studied the walls of our small trailer. It hadn't been in good shape when we bought it but mum insisted "It's cheap! If we don't get this, we won't have a roof over our heads!", which I can't really argue with. The tacky bright blue wallpaper covered top to bottom in an assortment of flowers, placed there by a previous owner, had started peeling and by started I mean has been peeling for years and no one has done anything about. Behind the wallpaper were white walls stained yellow, which was why I understood, and even slightly agreed with, the choice of wallpaper. My eyes switched focus as mums head turned the corner into the kitchen. She was a small woman, she was as wide as she were tall and a good foot shorter than me. As an early bird she was usually quite a cheery person and was more than delighted to great me in the morning, though this morning she looked as if she hadn't slept a wink and it was a miracle she was even out of bed.

"Drew," The tone my mother spoke with I knew I wasn't read for this yet. "have you heard from Jon yet?" She rubbed her thumb and pointer finger together, a movement I never asked her about but always assumed was a subconscious tic.

"I've only been up since about seven thirty and I haven't heard a thing". As I spoke I noted a quick flash of worry cross my mothers face but it disappeared as fast as it has appeared. She didn't want me to worry but I knew there was something up and this had to do with her 'motherly instincts'.