Love under the moonlight #Wattys2021

Alex

With the sound of the moving train in the background, I stare at my friend beside me. He looks out of the window with his hair swaying as the wind blows, this felt like the perfect moment to do it. For some reason, this feels like a now or never kind of moment. I once again look around the train compartment as I gaze to find everyone fast asleep, more like my other friends are fast asleep. 

I look back at him

"Jake..."

He is focused on the scenery outside the window with whatever he can make out in the dark. He goes ahead and makes a humming sound to tell me that he is listening.

"I wanted to tell you something," I say

Shifting his gaze he looks at me with a half sleepy face.

"What is it?" he asks

With those brown, espresso eyes staring right back at me. I could feel it in my guts. This was a bad idea. But I have to do it. I cannot back out now!

But the other half of me was screaming - Don't say it. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION!

"I think I like you." There. I said it. He knows now.

I kept staring at him trying to analyze his face for some sort of reaction, some sort of action, even an 'eww' to end this silence but he just kept staring. It was a bit difficult to see his face in the dark but I could see the look in his eyes and they were no longer sleepy. I was sure about it.

I sat there waiting for him to say something, do something maybe? Those minutes felt like hours.

"You mean like a crush or what?"

What!? How do I answer this? I mean I do like him but is this a crush? or do I genuinely like him? I mean I do like him but why am I so confused with this question? Why is he even asking this question!?

"I don't know. I mean yeah like I don't know"

With that reply, I want to die. I want this train split open in the middle and part away maybe to another world.

He continues to stare at me not knowing what to say. Should I just say this was a prank? and laugh it out? would that work?

"But why? all of a sudden? I mean suddenly after all these years?" He questioned me.

"I mean it's not sudden, I did like you for a while but I was not sure I mean we're friends and all..."

"Does anyone else know?" He interrupted me

"Hmm, No one," I lied... as I looked around the train compartment kind of avoiding his gaze.

Only Clair knew about this but I didn't want him to know that.

We both go into awkward silence once again. 

Is it too late now to say 'haha! caught you! I was just messing with you!' ??

"I don't know what to say," He says, looking out of words.

Of course, he is out of words. One of his good friends just confessed to him that she likes him. I am sure he also wants the earth to swallow him as out of all the girls in the world this one had to confess.

"It's okay. you don't have to say anything. I mean we are still friends first right?" I ask him

"Yeah Yeah we are of course."

Once again we both go into an awkward silence, with only the train's moving sound in the background. What is with these silent moments? this was not what I had in mind! 

Some other day I would love this silence, it's normally where I would find peace but right now at this moment, this is anything but peace. I wanted to scream and run away as far as I could and never come back but I can't do that in reality now, can I?

"It's almost 4 am, I think I should go back to my seat. Our trip is over, we are back to reality" he says as he attempts to make a joke I guess?

I give him a small smile and nod my head. I watch him get up to leave but I stopped him midway in the aisle

"Jake" I whisper shout

He looks back and retraces his steps

"Let's not tell this to anyone. I mean in our circle...." I say trying to find the right words

"Yeah of course. You can trust me" he says. I felt something break inside me. I mean I asked him and he agreed... but why does my heart still feel somewhat heavy?

We both smile at each other and he goes back to his seat.

I look outside the window and stare at my reflection.

What the fuck just happened?