Swallowed in the Sea

Christmas Disaster

Every chance that I got where I could stay in the bedroom by myself, I took it. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend the holiday season with "family" or that I wanted to be alone but I didn't want to spend time with my "family" and I wanted to be alone.

It was this horrible feeling. I'd wake up every morning and immediately regret opening my eyes. I never wanted to wake up when I went to bed every night. It wasn't that I wanted to die...I just wanted to be in that state of oblivion that sleep provided me.

This wasn't to say that I got all this alone time without a fuss. There were dozens of attempts to get me to come down. There were multiple attempts at compromising, but I was willing to starve myself to death before sitting down and having dinner with my mother.

I woke up on the morning of Christmas sad. It wasn't the same sadness that I woke up to last Christmas though.

The sad that I felt last year was a longing kind of sad. The sadness that you felt when you were homesick or when you missed someone dearly.

The sad that I felt this year was the everybody-better-leave-me-alone-because-I-want-to-purposely- throw-a-baseball-through-a-window-just-to-piss-someone-off kind of sad.

The more I thought of it, the more that I wanted to say it was more so anger than sad but I didn't feel angry.

I was sad.

"Summer?"

Arizona's tentative voice broke through my morning thoughts.

"I'm awake," I called out, "Good morning."

"Good morning..." Callie sounded worried, "Can we come in Summer?"

I hummed, "No...I'm okay."

"Summer, please?" Arizona was on the borderline of begging.

I bit my lip, unsure if I wanted to see them. It wasn't that I was angry at them. I wasn't even annoyed. I just didn't want to see anybody.

"Okay."

The bedroom door creaked open and Callie and Arizona walked in. I could tell by the movement of their steps that they were cautious as if I was a wild animal that was unpredictable.

"Yeah?" I peeked open one eye and from my spot on the bed, I saw that they had leaned against the wall by the window.

A safe distance away from me.

"Well, it's almost 10:30..." Callie pointed to the clock on the night table, "We were wondering when you wanted to open presents."

"Oh...there's presents?" I raised an eyebrow, "Sam hates decorating and messes...there's no way you would have convinced her to set up a Christmas tree."

Arizona smiled weakly, "No Christmas tree...but there are presents."

"I see..." I mumbled, "Um...maybe later, I think I'm going to go back to sleep."

"Summer."

"I'm going back to sleep," I said firmly and buried my face into the pillow.

I heard the sound of footsteps approaching the bed and then the weight of someone sitting down by my legs.

"Summer," Arizona rubbed my knee, "Just to open presents...that's all we ask."

I didn't move, but the pleading tone in Arizona's voice struck a nerve. I slid my lip horizontally underneath my two front teeth as I contemplated what to do.

"Okay..." I finally whispered and sat myself up slowly, "Just to open presents."

"Thank you," Callie nodded at me but I was already out of the room.