Lost || jjk

2- (longing)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　♬　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧　

9 months prior

"y/n, I said drop it!"

"No, I'm not going to drop it anymore. After everything, all of this. You aren't going to tell me to drop it. I want to know. Tell me the truth," you look into her eyes, pleading, "Tell me what's the truth."

"I'm sorry," she whispers, the bag of groceries slipping from her grasp and onto the wooden floor.

Her once soft gaze goes rancid as she turns to you with a sharp stare. You know what she's about to say. You already knew how this conversation would go the moment you started it. 

"You will never know. Never as long as you are alive, never as long as you sit and stand in my presence, on this planet. You will never know."

Her voice is cold.

"Get out." she whispers, her eyes glancing everywhere but your own. 

A single tear slips from your eye but you bring your hands up to cover your face. It's a habit and you hate it, but you can't let anyone see the tears stream down. It makes you vulnerable. It makes you weak. 

Weak. 

     Weak. 

She knows your crying, she knows. She sees it in the way your hands try and cover every inch of your face, even as the tears drip down your chin and onto the wooden floors. She almost looks guilty before her face returns to that solid frown, a brick wall dividing the two of you. Suddenly a familiar pang of something washes over you. Loneliness. Maybe that's it. Lonely. 

Because even in the presence of someone you thought you knew all your life, you are so damn alone. Guess you were living a lie. You thought you were connected, but the only thing that drew you both together is a long string of mistruths. 

Better to brace the hard truth than to bask in a comforting lie, 

right?

She owes you the truth.

Then why can't she just tell you?

You turn around quickly and walk toward the door. 

"I never wanted to be here anyway. Anywhere is better than here. Anywhere. Goodbye Mom," you whisper aloud before turning the nob and slamming the door shut.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　♬　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧　

The next few days seem to go by in a blur, but that doesn't make them any less painful.

The music from next door no longer plays. In fact, its so eerily silent that you can hear even a pin drop in your apartment. A few times you even caught yourself turning on the Tv just to have something to listen to.