well for me, from the age of 1 I would hear constant screaming, crying and gunshots from outside my house. At the time I thought nothing of it, little did I know it was all coming from the torture camp near my house.
and I'd wake up in the middle of the night to yelling and sometimes even sirens. I never got lot of sleep because after waking up I'd cry because of the loud noises and not be able to sleep for a another hour or two.
then as I grew older I just got used to it. I'd look out my window to either see soldiers chasing after some person who did nothing wrong or arresting protesters. I got used to it. It became normal for me and I was no longer surprised whenever this would happen.
besides when my real mother wasn't hurting me in any form, I'd just look out through my other window and stare at the forest. I had nothing else to do. When I'd go to school I never talked to anyone. In fact I didn't talk at all, I wasn't mute but I just didn't want to talk. Other kids would make fun of me, steal my stuff and spread rumors about me. Because I never spoke they though I was mute and thought I wouldn't talk back. That was until a teacher asked me a question in class and I answered. From then I only answered questions by teachers otherwise I never spoke to anyone.
so eventually the bullying got worse but I still didn't speak up. I just suffered all of it in silence for 8 years. Well, when I was 8 I was in a shop with my real mom. Well the shop was broken into by soldiers. Some people in the shop including my real mom happened to run out of there. While some like me were left behind and taken to the torture camp near my house. I won't describe the experience due to obvious reasons, but all I rememberwhen I think of it is the screams, the blood, the horror. There were so many others in that camp. I was forced to see them get tortured and they were forced to see me get tortured as well. I was there for a week before a few of us were let go. I remember standing outside the camp, my entire body in pain as people pushed past me. I remember feeling so empty... so broken at that moment.
and after that, I remember that my real mom became more harsh towards me and more kids in my school avoided me. I was bullied more and I felt a loss of emotions. When I got internet access I thought everything would be fine, I was mostly right. My real life was terrible but I had a escape, which was the internet. Well, it went on for 3 more years like that.
when I was 11, my real father was taken to that same torture camp. I realized the torture had gotten much worse than what I remember. How did I realize that? I realized that after I heard from my real mom that my father was dead.
for some obvious reasons I'll stop here. But all this has had a huge effect on me. I hate every kid that goes to my new school, I don't trust any of them. My step mom isn't Amy better. I don't trust her either. I never had a childhood, I had to depend on myself and be mature ever since I was 2 because that's when the real abuse began. I still don't trust anyone irl. But I do trust some people online, but I'm starting to get so damn deep into politics that it's just becoming my entire life and completely taking over me. But I know what I'm doing.
the scars may have healed physically, but they'll never heal mentally
if you want to then share your childhood in the comments.
