Half a World Away

9 - Zack

Zack's phone continued to ping a few times with message alerts, but he ignored them. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to try and calm himself. Why did she need to know his name after all this time?

It was only a matter of time before it ended, he knew that. It wasn't as if he could continue to drag this out any longer. At least now, Zack could travel to Australia and not worry about Cassidy and where she was and what she was doing. At least, that's what he wanted to convince himself. It would be difficult now he knew she would be at one of his concerts, but not knowing which one.

Who was he trying to fool? Regardless of what had just happened, Zack knew he would still be wondering all those things.

Looking down at his phone, Zack noted it had stopped alerting him to messages. Opening the messages, Zack read the last few messages that had come through. She wanted to talk about it. How could he tell her who he truly was? How could he begin to try explain why he had created a private account just to be able to message her?

If he did tell her who he truly was, what would she do with everything he has shared with her? The stories she could share. The money she would make from those stories. She's told her friends about him, but what exactly has she told them? He doesn't know them; would they sell him out? Would they sell out their own friend to the media?

Before he could even think to reply, a knock came at his hotel room door. He furrowed his brow, he didn't have a concert today. It was a rest day.

Moving to the door, he looked through the peephole and saw Janice waiting. Rolling his eyes, he opened the door slightly to greet her.

"Zack," she smiled, "I thought we could go to this place that is about an hour away, it's meant to be amazing and..."

"Not today, Janice," Zack replied, heartbroken and not feeling like doing anything.

"What's wrong?" Janice asked, suddenly alert with concern. "Are you sick? Are you coming down with something? We have another concert tomorrow night."

Zack leaned out the doorway and rested a calming hand on Janice's shoulder.

"I'm fine," Zack felt like he's going to choke on his own lie, "I just don't feel like going anywhere today and want to be alone. Thanks for the invitation."

Janice studied Zack carefully.

"Please, Janice."

Janice let out a sigh, "Okay, but you better be one hundred percent tomorrow."

After some more reassurance from Zack, Janice finally left and Zack wandered aimlessly around his luxurious hotel room. One thing he could be grateful for in that moment, was the size of his hotel room. There were some perks to being him.

Opening the minibar, Zack pulled out the first bottle he saw and opened it. Without thinking of the ramifications, he flung his head back and drank the entire shot from the mini bottle. The amber liquid burned slightly as it glided down his throat.

Zack felt nothing. It had no effect on him. Grabbing three more bottles from the fridge, he walked over to the couch that looked out the window and the view of Manchester. Unscrewing the lid on one of the bottles, he swallowed the liquid in one gulp. Dropping the empty bottle to the floor, he opened the next bottle. Drinking the next entire bottle, he screwed up his face at the taste, but still not caring what he was drinking, just wanting to feel nothing. After the third bottle, Zack stood up and went back to raid the fridge of more alcohol. Six bottles remained. He took them all over to the couch, kicking the empty bottles that lay on the floor as he walked. Sitting back down on the couch, Zack continued to drink away his feelings.

A message alert woke Zack hours later. He was lying on the couch, surrounded by empty mini bar bottles on the couch and on the floor. The Manchester skyline was now dark and city lights blinked outside the window. Zack groaned and held his head, as he moved into a sitting position. Looking at his phone, the time lit up the screen; quarter past three in the morning.

There is a waiting message on his phone from Cassidy, a simple message, a simple apology. Zack closed his eyes, as if in pain and opened them again to stare at those two words. I'm sorry. Zack realised in that moment he had let it go too far. It wasn't fair on Cassidy. She didn't deserve to be feeling this way. She was apologising for something she didn't need to apologise for, but he couldn't explain that to her. Zack knew it would be best if he just let her go. It wouldn't be easy, but he would do it for her.

Standing up, he swayed slightly and had to steady himself. He stumbled into the kitchen area and poured himself a glass of water. Zack drank some of the water and then carried the glass carefully as he wandered into the bedroom. He placed the glass gently on the bedside table next to his phone and crawled into bed.

When Zack woke again, sunlight poured into the room through the open curtains. It was bright. Too bright. Zack covered his eyes and rolled away, turning his back to the window.

A knock on the hotel room echoed through the room. Zack groaned and pulled the pillow from beside him over his head to aide in blocking out the noise and light.

Minutes later, the pillow was ripped away from him. Opening his eyes, Zack saw an unimpressed Janice standing over him.

"What happened?" Janice asked, in one of her hands she held two empty mini bar bottles. "Yesterday, you assured me you were fine. Then I come to collect you for sound check and you've drunk your entire mini bar!"

"What time is it?" Zack mumbled, sitting up slowly and collecting the glass of water he had put beside the bed only hours before.

"It's ten o'clock. You're due to do a sound check in an hour. You have a concert tonight. Why would you do this?"

"Please stop yelling," Zack held his head, "Do you have an aspirin?"

Janice huffed out in annoyance and started to search her handbag that was slung over her shoulder. She pulled out a small pill bottle and handed it to Zack's open palm with some force. Zack knew she was upset with him. She was right to be too. Zack never drank the night before a concert. He always wanted to be at his best for his fans, they deserved it. If it wasn't for them, he wouldn't be where he was. They pay hard-earned money to see his performance. He owed it to them to be on top of his game.

Zack swallowed two aspirin and downed the rest of his water, before handing Janice the empty glass.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Zack explained, "Can you organise some bacon and eggs for me to eat when I get out. I won't let down the fans. You have my word."

Janice eyed Zack, before nodding and leaving the bedroom, her phone already to her ear, organising his food.

Zack leaned forward and ran his hands through his hair, before standing up and moving into the adjoining bathroom to take a shower. Thirty minutes later, with a queasy stomach, Zack left his hotel room, meeting Janice downstairs at the waiting car. Janice held up a paper bag to him, which he took as he climbed in the back seat. In the car, Zack opened the bag to find an egg and bacon bread roll. Exactly what he needed to ease his stomach.

That night, Zack played his hardest for the Manchester crowd. After his encore song, Zack gave the crowd a final wave and walked calmly from the stage. As soon as he was out of sight, he raced down the metal stairs, along the narrow corridor backstage, until he reached the toilets. Rushing in, he dove into the nearest cubicle before emptying the contents of his stomach from what felt like the entire day. He knew that couldn't be right though, as he had vomited twice during rehearsals earlier in the day. Zack made a promise to himself not to drink like that again, especially before a concert.

Moving away from the toilet bowl as he flushed, Zack sat on the floor, his back resting against the wall of the cubicle. Jason, one of his personal bodyguards, walked into the bathroom and stood outside the open cubicle door.

"I'm alright," Zack held a hand up to stop him from approaching. "Just give me a minute."

"Sir," Jason nodded, before leaving the bathroom, likely to only stand waiting outside the door.

Zack pulled his phone from his pocket and stared at the blank screen. Cassidy hadn't sent him any further messages. He sighed in relief as he didn't know how strong he could continue to be in his bid to move on, if she had continued to message him. A clean break. That's what they both needed.