My Mother's Daughter

Death

I stood in the same room as the grim reaper staring at her as she took her last breaths. Even though he was here, this time, it wasn't for me.

We had always known this day was going to come so I just stood there, devoid of any emotion. The nurse finally rushed into the room to attend to her but her body was already cold.

" she has no pulse," the nurse said in a high-pitched voice to her colleague. Yes, I know she has no pulse, I saw her die.

On the bed lies my mother, another casualty of Nigeria's crumbled healthcare.

She checks her time and says to her colleague, " 9:15"

" The patient is dead ma'am, we are very sorry for your loss," she says to me.

I stood there frozen eyes, fixated on the vessel that used to carry my mother's soul as it lay there empty, not moving.  I couldn't even correct her that I wasn't a ma'am, I was 17. She says she's sorry but I know she isn't, she's used to this. I begged and begged before any of them could attend to my mother and by the time they finally arrived, he had gotten her.

The grim reaper had gotten her.

Her eyes were slightly open and it felt like a portal to nowhere. Her eyes didn't blink anymore like they did when she laughed, smiled, or talked it just laid there open like the dolls in the 90s.

The nurse notices this and closes her eyes and just like that, a chapter had closed.

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" Has the body been deposited in the morgue"  uncle Festus, my father's younger body says to the man.

It's been 3 days. In those 3 days, we've had numerous people trooping into our home. Some from the village, some from our neighborhood, church, and some of my mother's friends during her uni days.

We were planning the burial and I was still numb at least, I wasn't alone this time. My siblings were back from school and we all just stood there no one has said a word yet, we know how cruel the world is to a child without a mother and we knew that was about to be our fate.

My mother is someone who you describe as one of those women with " nail in their bum bum " meaning, she could never stay in one place. She was always making friends everywhere she went hence why our compound is currently filled with mourners from different walks of life.

" He called her the body" Shade, my elder sister says and bursts into another round of tears. Her eyes were puffy and being the only light-skinned sibling, shade's eyes were so red and puffy, no amount of concealer could hide this. Shade and my mother fought from time to time. She wanted her independence and my mother saw her her as baby, her little girl. As Shade wailed, wale wrapped his arm around he, allowing her to cry it out.

It's been 3 days and I haven't cried.

People have come to give me motivational talks    But, I still haven't been able to cry. Maybe he didn't just take my mother when he appeared. What if he took my emotions too?

I've been called cold because I hadn't cried and even mama Victor who hated my mother and even fought her every day cried. To be fair, Mama victor just wanted the cold Malt that was offered to the people who cried cause we had run out of water. Why else would a woman who vehemently hated my mother be rolling on the floor and doing all these theatrics.

After she was given a cold can of malt and Jollof rice to step down the malt, the tears in her tears duct dried up.

I stood side by side with my sibling's wale and shade as the funeral preparations were unfolding. My mother's family and my father's family argued about where to bury her while the wives fought over food.

They asked us the kids for our opinion and honestly, I didn't care. That wasn't my mother anymore, that was just her body. She was no longer in there and regardless of what we said, it wouldn't be taken into consideration. They just asked us for formalities. I followed them to the morgue, I called and called her name but it was like she couldn't remember my voice. I even called her by her actual name " Tola" just Incase mummy was too foreign yet no response. She hated it when I called her Tola and always insisted her name was mummy but this time, I got a different response, silence.

I shook her body and held her. It fell out of my hands immediately, and I just knew she was no longer there. My mother's body wasn't cold, she was warm. The warmest person you would ever lay next to. Growing up, my siblings and I would snuggle her. we lay on her bed watching her favorite Cuando Seas Mia: when you are mine every night.

She was never cold.

My family bickered back and forth on where to dig the grave and after two hours we finally decided on our compound. Like clockwork, Shade started to cry again. Wale hadn't cried yet, at least not publicly but with my room being so close to his, I could hear the sniffles and the conversations with his girlfriend.

If only I could cry too. I felt like Botox had been   Injected into my body, It was stiff.  Very stiff.

" Since we've agreed, I will call the guys that will dig the grave. They are bringing the coffin very early tomorrow"  my dad's sister Aunty Shope announces.

I just realized I hadn't spoken about my dad yet. Daddy Shade as he was fondly called in our neighborhood Was my father. Dele was his real name.  My mom and my dad were very complex there is a Nigerian saying which goes " don't put your mouth in married people's business". Their marriage wasn't perfect or close to perfect. They were uni sweethearts and were going to get married someday till she got pregnant and their plans had to fast track. My grandfather wasn't having it, his child had been put through the family way the only option was to marry her.  Things were very different back then, it was the 80s.  Four months into the marriage and she had a miscarriage and 3 years later, my sister Folashade was born. 

My father just sat there as Aunty Shope spoke " okay I've heard you" were the only words he muttered. Not long after, he walks away from the crowd to receive a phone call.

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👋 heyyy. Hope you guys are alright. This chapter came about through a quote I saw on Twitter and I decided to write something different from the usual. If you like it please leave a comment so I know if it's something you're interested in.