The letters never sent

Letters never sent

October 20th, 2009
Dear Dan,
You had to leave yesterday, and as I sat in the tube riding back to my flat, I might have cried. I'm sorry I was so nervous when you got here, I just didn't know what to do. We had been talking so much over fuzzy Skype calls it was amazing to see you in person. On The Eye I was dying inside because I liked you and really hoped you liked me too and when you kissed me my heart felt like it flipped over, and it had never done that before. I miss you already and its only been 12 hours. Yes I have been counting, and I regret nothing. Please come back soon so we can sit on my couch with ice-cream and watch spirited away or totaro over and over again. Or not watch the movies, if you get what im saying XD.
I miss you bear
-Phil

January 30th, 2010
Dear Dan,
Hey! Today is my birthday! Thank you for everything you sent, its awesome. I have an idea that you may or may not be down with. We should move in together. I have my own flat here in Manchester, as you know, and even if you just wanted to stay for a week to see what its like I'm ok with that! I was looking through our Skype call logs earlier today and noticed that we spent 11 hours and 39 minutes talking last monday. Thats most of the day! Time really flies when I'm talking to you I hope you know that, and I really hope you say yes to moving in with me so I can hear your voice all day long. I hope you can come down soon bear.
I miss you so much.
-Phil

February 14th, 2010
Dear Dan,
You are in India and I had five hours with nothing to do so I made you something. I'll just text you the link.
Please come back soon bear.
-Phil

April 22, 2010
Dear Dan,
YOU SAID YES TO MOVING IN WITH ME!!!! This is probably the greatest day of my whole life. I spent all week getting the house ready for you! I even cleaned the bathroom, and I haven't done that since, well, I moved in. I cant wait till were staying up till 3, laying on my couch, maybe cuddling, watching attack on titan whenever we want. 2 More days bear, 2 more days.

December 9th, 2011
I havent written to you in a while have I? I have something to confess, I am falling deeply in love with you, and I never told you till just now. The fans are starting to suspect, well, they've suspected this whole time, and I feel like I've been lying to them this whole time by not telling them. I know you want to keep it a secret, but its hard not to grab your hand in public, or kiss you while we wait on the platform for the train back to my parents house for the holidays. I mean, I dont think telling our parents is enough sometimes. I want to tell the world how much I love you, but I'm to scared to tell you. I feel like I'm rambling on about nothing, but I also feel like this is very important. I don't know anymore.
Well, I love you bear.
-Phil

September 22, 2012
Dan,
You stormed out today. I didn't mean to upload the valentines video from so long ago, I didn't even hover over it for christ sake. I went to upload a new video that I spent all day editing and youtube glitched and uploaded that one to the public. I promise I didn't mean to. Please don't leave me Bear. You are my world and I couldn't deal with losing you, because of some stupid mistake that technology made. I love you more than anything in this world and I hope you know that.
I cant lose you Bear
-Phil

December 25, 2013
Dear Dan,
I'm writing this to you after you have gone to bed. I finally said those 3 words I've been scared to say for so long. Daniel James Howell, I love you more than anything on this earth. And you know what made me the happiest when I said those 3 little words with such an important meaning? You grabbed my face and kissed me and whispered onto my lips, "I've been waiting to hear those words since the say I got off the train platform"
I don't know why I was so afraid to say it, I guess i thought you would leave. Well if I'd known id get this reaction i would of said it earlier. You are my life.
Sleep well bear
-Phil

July 19, 2014
Dan,
While I was at Tesco, a girl came up
to me and pointed out I was wearing your jacket. She then continued to start shaking and made a noise like a mouse or something. I think she said "phan is real" as she walked off, but I'm not 100% sure. More and more people are suspecting us Bear, and its not gonna be long before we are caught doing that will out us to the world.
Well, whatever, I love you bear.
-Phil

March 23, 2015
Dan,
I want to marry you. I mean hell, (sorry) we've been together for 6 years, and I'm 28 years old. I think I'm ready, and I hope you are too. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I want you to know that I love you more than I love myself. Daniel James Howell, you are my everything, and my only.
Please say yes, Bear
-Phil

June 26th, 2016
Daniel James Howell (and in a few months, Howell-Lester)
YOU SAID YES. I know I decided I wanted to marry you so long ago, but I only got the guts to ask you today. Sitting out on the same fountain as we did that Halloween in 2009, I was physically shaking, and I could tell that you noticed. And when Louise sent Darcy out you looked so surprised and confused, I almost laughed, but the nerves prevented me from do just that. Oh and little Darcy, she did so good! She ran up to you and yelled "Uncle Dan!" and gave you a big hug, then handed you the little box, and ran right back to Louise and Matt, just like she was supposed to. You looked at me with tears in your eyes, and you knew exactly what was coming. I stumbled as I got on one knee, and you chuckled, while I blushed uncontrollably. You hadn't even opened the box, and you said yes. You didn't even let me stutter through the 4, short, but life changing words, you impatient bastard. This is the happiest I've been in a while.
We are forever, Bear
-Phil

December 7, 2023
Dan,
Katherine Elizabeth Howell-Lester. Our own baby girl. Our child to take care of and protect from the boys that will break her fragile little heart when she's older, our own child to cradle when she has a bad dream at 4 am, our own child to walk down the isle when she meets her perfect match. Our own child to teach not to be a huge ass to people of other race, religion, or beliefs. You're gonna have to cut down on the cursing though, I mean she's 3, and you know how kids that age repeat everything. She's so perfect Dan, just like you.
We have a little Bear cub now I guess.
-Phil
---------------------------------------
Phil thought he had been carful when hiding the letters he never sent, but obviously not careful enough, because when Dan was packing up the flat when they moved out of the city, he found the little box that was hidden under the mattress. When Phil went to open the box again, to relive some memories, he found a little note on top of the rest, the scrawl not matching his own.
---------------------------------------
February 26th, 2025
Dear Phil,
All of these years I have loved you more than anything, excluding Kat. When we weren't together, back in 2009, I hated not seeing you. All these years later, finding that you've had these letters you never gave me fills me with so much love and hope. Hope for us, for Kat, for everything we've been through together. If I had known you had loved me for so long, I would of married you sooner. It kinda upsets me that we didn't come out to YouTube sooner, I mean, they were so supportive of us! And now that our baby is in school, and now that we have so many friends, I'm genuinely the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for everything, and I love you so much. Nothing in the world compares to the love I have for you and out "bear cub".
I wish you had shown these to me sooner, Lion.
-Dan