Note: Half lie,half truth.
***
Dear Mr. 'Wake-up Call',
Hi. It's been a year. Akalain mo yun? Isang taon na rin ang nakalipas nung tinapos mo ang lahat sa atin. Nung iniwan mo ako with a broken heart. Kumusta ka na? Gusto ko lang malaman,nasaktan ka rin ba that time? Umiyak ka rin ba? Or wala lang sa'yo lahat?
Nung hiniwalayan mo ako,naisip mo pa ba ako kinabukasan? Natanong mo ba sa sarili mo kinabukasan o nung mga sumunod na araw, "Kamusta na kaya siya?", "Umiiyak pa rin kaya siya?" O hindi sumagi sa isip mo kung ano ang posible kong gawin pagkatapos mong makipaghiwalay?
Alam mo bang tuwing naaalala kita,palagi akong naiiyak? Kailangan ko nga lang pigilan kasi may makakakita at ayokong mangyari yun dahil sa mga panahong nanghihina ako,ayokong kaawaan ako. I needed someone to comfort me and to tell me that everything happens for a good reason and that everything will be okay again. Heck,I needed you to be there for me,comforting me. Telling me that everything will be okay,taking back what you said that we're over and that you won't leave me. But it didn't happen,of course.
Ano nga ba ang nangyari sa atin? Weren't we happy before? O ako lang ang nag-iisip na masaya tayo that time?
Living in a life full of cliché stories,ours was one of it. Pwede na ngang gawing wattpad story eh. We met. We became friends. We became close to each other. We fell in love. Ang ganda na sana eh kaso tulad ng isang wattpad story o kahit ano pang story,it has an ending. Too bad,short story lang pala yung sa atin. May mga nagtatanong nga sa akin how we met and fell in love eh. May mga taong alam kung ano yung pinagdadaanan natin that time. Paano nga ba tayo nauwi sa hiwalayan? Was it because one of us fell out of love? Was it because one of us surrendered to the problem? How did we end up ending our relationship?
Nung time na nakipaghiwalay ka,hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit. Kung ano yung dahilan mo. Bigla ka na lang nawala and I came to the point when the only reason I could think why you broke up with me was you don't love me anymore. Easy,right? But I thought of another reason. That you never loved me. You never loved me that's why you ended our love story. Ouch.
Realization hit me. I have to move on with my life,with or without you in it. Of course,hindi lang naman dapat sa'yo umikot ang mundo ko. I have a life. I have parents who expect a lot from me. So what to do best that time? Syempre accept the fact that we're over and move forward.
I thought I'm coping up and my heart was ready to be healed. But it's ONLY just a thought. After a few days,you came back. And you know what's worse? You came back like nothing happened. Like you did not break up with me. When you came back,I cried again. Akala ko magiging ok na ulit but no. Marami pala talaga ang namamatay sa maling akala. Ayun,namatay yung puso ko. At ang pinakamasakit sa lahat,nawala ka ulit na parang bula.
It was that moment realization hit me big time. Hindi mo ako mahal. Siguro,pinaniwala ko lang ang sarili ko na minahal mo ako. Sobrang tanga ko lang talaga siguro that time to believe na totoo kung ano man ang meron tayo noon. Siguro nga,I just love the idea of being in love. Pakshet. Lahat na lang ng dahilan na pwede kong maisip,naisip ko na.
Ang sakit lang di ba? Ang gulo gulo ng universe. Ayaw kitang husgahan kahit na nasaktan mo ako. Ayaw kitang husgahan kahit na sa paningin ko,at sa paningin ng ibang makakaalam ng buong kwento natin,eh gago ka. Ayaw kitang husgahan kasi hindi ko talaga alam yung side mo. Or maybe I know,pero hindi ko pa rin maintindihan. Pagdating kasi sa'yo,hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat paniwalaan ko.
Mr. 'Wake-up Call',how are you doing now? Are you happy? Is someone making you happy? Kahit na sinaktan mo ako,I still hope that you'd be happy with your life. Sana lang,hindi na mangyari sa iba yung nangyari sa atin. Masakit eh. Wag mo na rin ulitin.
Sana lang masaya ka na. Kahit naman papaano,may pinagsamahan din tayo. At hindi ako naghahangad ng masama para sa'yo.
Trivia lang. Alam mo bang dahil sa'yo nagkaroon ako ng trust issues? Hindi ko na alam kung paniniwalaan ko kung ano yung sinasabi sa akin. Minsan pati sarili kong nararamdaman,pinagdududahan ko na rin.
It's been a year and before I end this letter,I just want you to know that I thank you. Thank you for hurting me. Because of you,napatunayan ko kung sino sino yung mga taong nasa tabi ko when I am so down. Because of what happened to us,I learned to love the person who stayed with me through ups and downs. I became stronger because of you,because of the pain you caused me. Sa paningin ng iba,you're one of those who come and go easily in one's life. But for me,you're not. You are a person who taught me lessons in life.
I loved you. I don't know if you loved me,too. But the story of us,was only just a dream.
Thank you for everything.
Ms. Happy Dreams
***
I woke up when small hands lightly slapped my face but I kept my eyes closed. He giggled and that made me smile.
"Aww mommy just smiled. Wake her up,sport. Come on."
Baliw talaga 'to. I thought when I heard another voice.
I felt another light slap so I decided to open my eyes and there I saw the minion who's been waking me up. My cute little minion. He laughed wholeheartedly when I started to kiss him all over his face.
"Mommy!!!" He shouted while laughing. "Daddy,help me! Get mommy off me!"
Bago pa siya sundin ng daddy niya,I already stopped torturing him. I just gave him another kiss on his cheek before greeting him.
"Good morning,sweetie."
"Good morning,mommy!" And he kissed me back.
"So yung batang yan lang ang may kiss sa umaga?" Napalingon ako sa nagsalita na nakakunot na ang noo. Ang cute talaga ng dalawang 'to.
"Wala kang kiss daddy because you did not help me." Said this little man beside me with his arms crossed and pouted lips.
I giggled upon seeing his cuteness. This 5 year old boy knows how to get his daddy pissed. Bago pa man patulan ng daddy niya,pumagitna na ako. Hinarap ko ang seloso kong asawa.
"Hep! Ang daddy nagseselos sa baby. Sus. Oh,come here and I'll give you a kiss."
Lumapit naman agad siya. I gave him a smack. At bago pa magreklamo ang bubwit sa tabi ko,I kissed him again. He clapped happily and hugged me and his dad.
"Yey! I love you,mommy! I love you,daddy!"
"We love you,too,sport." He said to our son before facing me and mouthed,"I love you so much,honey."
I smiled at him lovingly and mouthed back,"I love you,too."
And right at that moment,I silently prayed and thanked God for this beautiful family. And for keeping me strong after what happened in the past.
Last night,I found a letter na nakaipit sa isa sa mga favorite books ko. It was addressed to someone in my past. After reading it,hindi ko alam pero pinuntahan ko ang asawa't anak ko na naglalaro sa kabilang kwarto. Nilapitan ko sila,niyakap at hinalikan. And like what I always do,I told them both how much I love them and how thankful I am for having them. That's the reason kung bakit katabi naming mag-asawa ang anak namin matulog.
I was hurt,yes. But the pain made me stronger. Ganun naman yun,di ba? Kapag nasasaktan ka,nagiging mas matibay ka. Mas nakakakaya mong harapin ang mga pagsubok sa buhay mo. Ang importante,hindi ka susuko sa laban ng buhay. Kung dumating man yung time na gusto mo na sumuko,make sure na wala kang pagsisisihan kasi lumaban ka. At least lumaban ka,di ba? At least sinubukan mo. Kung masasaktan ka man,at least nasaktan kang lumalaban. Don't give up easily. You won't go any further if you won't make a move. Life is an amusement park. It's full of surprises that can make you cry,laugh and fall in love.
***
03.07.2015
© 2015 littlewildcat
