death by paper cut

new york.' 21

you know anger, don't you ?
it's a matchstick in the dark
like the winter nights in your room
where we lit candles and held our
bodies together like we'd break if we moved
don't know if you're scared you'll hurt me
or i'll hurt you .

passenger seat / shattered glass /
leg jumping up & down/ hoping to get out of this car / leave town to a better place / gas station cups filled with pepto bismol / the august after i was raped / the cuts that filled my arms as you told me to stay / love is such a hard word to say.

and yet i find myself saying it too much , i'm spilling my guts . the night where you held my body in the back of a pickup truck, chipping paint like a promise. scary boy with the golden eyes, you make my tongue tie on anything of importance. what do you say to someone who's seen the ruin leak out of you? you're just a boy with broken bones /the doctor said no one would love you , and you let the stars devour.

do you remember that night ?
bundles of blankets and my cries tearing down the street and  ' the sun is becoming apocalyptic, my love ' and maybe, i'm not strong like you said i was and sometimes i think about how you're going to leave again. maybe, forever this time . and i ruin and i ruin and i ruin .