Without Preamble

Regrets

Noah did not expect what his lawyer showed him and told him when he went to the firm just a few floors down his own offices. "Look, I believe we can finally discard the evidence that your wife had another man in his life which you also want to avoid using – that it was she who was at fault in the course of your marriage life. Her lawyer already submitted a reply, and with it are a series of recorded audio – well – it is embarrassing but I hope convincing enough to the court to – well... to invalidate your marriage..."

Previously, his lawyer spoke directly and with confidence. It was only now that he was hesitant, although he reiterated that "annulment was frowned upon by the courts."

"Let me hear or see it Attorney," he excitedly requested from the lawyer. He did not expect any dramatic suspense on the part of the lawyer at all. He thought lawyers have heard, and read worse. Or seen worse. Whatever.

The lawyer asked an audio player from his secretary. He pushed the play button once it was settled on top of the table, and handed Noah a printed transcription on the response of Rebekah. On her sworn statement, she alleged that ever since their marriage, at the height of having sex, Noah often called another woman's name. It was repeated on several occasions that she decided to record the next intimate events with her husband. At the recorded moment, Noah mentioned another woman's name. In the statement, the name Noah mentioned was hard to ascertain, but one thing is definite: it was not REBEKAH because the name being said at the height of ecstasy as can be heard from the audio player was a different name!

Noah was stunned, at himself. His wife never confronted him about it, but suffered in silence! All the while, he thought that it was Rebekah who transgressed their marriage first, but now, the truth is that it was him who was at fault! After he found out about Rebekah's infidelity, he was hurt and looked for other women. He is just another ordinary guy with needs, and women are plenty. But those affairs came after what he found out about Rebekah.

The other women he took in bed after Rebekah had been more vocal! Some immediately confronted him, others, with a slap, or sneer, or anger. How many times did it happen? I am not Anelle, damn you!

"The thing is – your wife thought it was either you have been cheating or was actually in love with that - woman... – that woman you were calling out every time you made love – who was it?"

Anelle, he thought. The girl-woman has never left his subconscious. "What do we do, now, Attorney?" he asked, feeling guilty as hell.

"You can admit the truth. Have you been womanizing?"

"No, never before what Rebekah did," he said. He did love Rebekah, because she loved him, too. What has he done? She had been hurting for so long without him knowing it? Would she ever forgive her? He has just realized he had long forgiven Rebekah. Now he understood why he never felt resentment nor anger towards Rebekah, except pity, and now, understanding. He had been asking himself. He earlier thought he loved Rebekah. And then, he also had the welfare of Reigner in mind. And then, here comes the reality that he had been the cause of his marriage breakdown? What an asshole he had been!

"Then, what do you call this?" the lawyer asked.

He told the lawyer everything.

"So, you have loved another woman while married to another?"

"I did not know then that it was like that, Attorney..."

"I'll see what I can do about this. I am not sure if this could fall under psychological incapacity in order for the court to annul your marriage ..."

"Please do everything Attorney. I want Rebekah to be free. And so do I. I want to marry another woman."

***

He had a headache when he went home. Anelle had been avoiding him for a while. He did not know the reason why, but he respects her actions and every decision. After all, he is still legally married. He had not seen her for a while. But that night while having dinner alone, Reigner approached him.

"Hey kid, you're still awake?"

The child sat at his opposite chair but remained silent.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to make his voice lighter. But Reigner remained silent, so he turned to Mayet who was seated nearby. "Manang, what happened?"

"Sir, the tutorial session of Reigner already ended today, ma'am Anelle went home already that is why he is sad," Mayet explained. You are one slow man, the maid thought of her boss. She knew that the teacher and the engineer liked each other. She did not want to intrude into the lives of her bosses, but they have known for long that the marriage of their boss was a failure.

Noah was stunned. He did not notice how the days went by. He had been his happiest the last few days with Anelle. He thought Anelle only had some mood, like – menstrual things – that is why she was avoiding him. And because he, too had been preoccupied with work and the annulment, he had not noticed how days flew by! The tutorial and stay of Anelle in his house were over. Once again, she let go of her without knowing it! He had never felt so dumb and helpless before.

***

After eating, he downed a paracetamol tablet and went to the condo of Janice.

"Hey, it's late!" Janice greeted him, surprised at Noah.

Noah raised his two hands - a gesture of apology. "Yeah Janice, I know. I'm sorry to bother you, but may I talk to Anelle? Please?"

Janice opened wider the door to let him in. "Well, come in and have a seat. Try to wait if she will arrive...  if you can share with me anything? You look awful!"

Janice brought out a bottle of wine, glasses, and ice. Noah sat at the sofabed.

"Care for a drink?"

Noah nodded. "Well, I guess I'll have to admit I have been in love with your cousin since we first met, but made the mistake of marrying another woman. But I have not realized that until we met again..."

"That's sad," Janice replied with sympathy. But she can feel this man's determination. "Well, actually, Anton came to fetch her, you know him? The fiancé. So, I am not sure if they will still be coming back here or go home directly to San Isidro..."

Noah felt like he was thrown a bucket of iced water as he stood up and said goodbye to Janice.

***

"You are still sad?" Anton asked his fiancee as the bus bound to San Isidro start to move out of the station. He noticed how sad she was when they came from the house where she was having her tutorial sessions. He saw the child whom Anelle introduced to him as Reigner cried profusely when they left. It is why he understood when she did not have the appetite when they were eating at her favorite Italian restaurant.

Anelle forced a smile with Anton's sincerity for her welfare. If only he knew the full reason why she was so sad. But she is sad more so because of the relationship she and Noah had rekindled, the only man she ever loved and wish to share her whole being with.

"Don't worry, we will make our own baby whom you will love and care for far more than that child," Anton said in jest.

But Anelle felt lonelier.