Found In June

Chapter 3: Fatigue

May 30th
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death and r@pe.

Theme song: "Drivers License" by Olivia Rodrigo

_________________________________________

"Revenge is the sweetest poison."

My mother had taught me.
Thankfully, I'm a quick learner.

Unlike my Mama though, I was never one to be violent. Having a murderer as as a mother, isn't quite the best thing to know about your new found enemy. I never tell anyone that, not only would it give me a horrible reputation. It would also be hard to explain that my mother wasn't so cruel, like she was in her kills. She was loving, she always put my sister and I first, she was our gaurdian angel. She always had a large heart, and a sharp eye. Her name was Celeste, she worked as a astronamer, Mama often brought Monica and I up to the roof and point out different constellations and the myths behind each one. I admired her, I saw my Mama as a angel sent down straight from the heavens. But, my father on the other hand...

Wasn't so generous. At all.

He was often at work, sometimes not returning for weeks to a few months. When he was home, he was in his office working. And when he wasn't in his office, he wasn't spending time with his daughters or his wife. Frank, was his name. He drank in his spare time and despite how much responsibility needed for his job as a lawyer, in secret he drank like there was nothing left to loose. And when he was struck with an immensely hangover, he stood from the couch every morning and changed the suit he didn't get out of the night before. With the lack of a father figure for me, and how many times men have failed to be someone to remember in both my Mama and I's lives. It isn't a surprise, the one night he came back, drunk as all hell. Took a swing at my sister and I, and then taking advantage of Monica. And only at the age of seven as well, though before he could anything more than give us bruises and a long cut along my face, blood streaming from my eyebrow's soon to be scar and traumatize us both. Mama had taken her favorite butcher's knife and plunged  it into his back, and yanking it downwards.

I'll always remember the sound of Frank's spine cracking under the deadly rage a mother can have to protect her children.

With my Mama taken away for court, found guilty and sentenced for twenty years years in a extremely guarded prison. Monica and I had to learn the hard way of how life works. Monica learnt fairly quickly, sge moved on fast and was always the good child. She even still calls that dissapointment of a man, our father. I call him by his first name, regardless of how "misunderstood" my younger sister tried to convince me he was. But I knew better.

I shuffled in my seat, watching tiredly as the wedding went on longer than expected. The dress code was expected, pinks, yellows, golds and white. But i sported a karky green dress that spread out like a flower in spring when I spun in it. A crown of pink carnations, baby's breath and Gerbera daisies rested upon my hair. An elderly woman seated next to me looked Anelia up and down constantly, giving a look of disgust and envy. She also watched me, she observed my outfit as well as staring at me. I eyed her and decided against saying something. She was Eric's mother, and she knew me fondly. Amelia was sonewhat of a friend to ne when i was younger, and Eric's mother despised her heavily.

I looked up again and watched as Eric's vows were finished.

"You may now, Kiss the bride."

They leaned in and shared a passionate kiss. Both Eric's mother and I clenched our fists and shared a deadly hatred.

Cheers erupted and i chuckled when Eric's mother rolled her eyes and scoffed. Everyone stood and begun to walk around, joining their cliques, congratulating the newly wedded couple, and overall doing their own thing. I stood and wandered outside the barn and to the field of lavender rows. A few bees buzzed past me and a breeze shook the flowers, bringing the pollen past my nose and into the air. My hair was ruffled by it and a shiver ran across my limbs. I watched a flock of ducks take to the sky and soar above me. The sky was a tranquil and selcouth canvas of colours. Soft white clouds shifted with the wind. As magnificent as this moment was, it doesn't last forever.

"Its been a long time, hasn't it? Addie?"

I froze, finally gaining the courage to turn and face her. Her dress flowed in the wind, her long black curly hair swayed with it. I felt like I began to drown in those ocean eyes of hers. The makeup Amelia wore made her shine in perfection. Just like always.

I sighed, glancing down then back to her again. "Yes it has." I muttered. "Your dress, it isn't in the right colours." She complained, tilting her head slightly. Almost in a mocking way.

"I know."
"Why aren't you in the right colours?"
"Because I disagree with your marriage"
"Eric doesn't belong to you, Addie."
"Don't Call me that!"
...

The wind picked up, and clouds covered the sun. She had stepped back at my outburst with her hands held to her chest coyly. A pair of footsteps approached and Amelia stepped aside to reveal Eric who stared at me for a long moment in disbelief. He put his arm around Amelia's shoulder and gave her a side hug in whish she leaned into.

"Addison! You actually came, how, nice.." He said.

"Yes, Why wouldn't I?" I said, sarcasm neatly laced in my tone of voice. He visibly tensed and gave a nod to his wife, she hesitated before making her way back inside the barn. I turned to face the sunset again, I felt him come closer and stand a few feet behind me.

"Will you stay for long?"
"No, I should head back home now"

"Perhaps, I'll find you again?"
...

"No, you won't. Because I don't wish for you too, even if I once loved you."

And with that, I returned to my car and drove back home. I slammed the door behind me and grabbed a pillow and threw it onto my bed, pacing the room hundreds of times until the tears that were seemingly growing for evermore, spilt. I collapsed into bed and fell asleep, my anger and frustration washing away by the immense fatigue of the day.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore"

It felt good at admit that, but only for a moment.
But I couldn't help but feel so alone...