drafts and random stuff

-2-

2021

A rainy night

The cold crawled across my skin while the rain kept pouring down. I was soaked. For how long had I been out here? The concrete felt hard against my skin and the constant sound of cars driving by was piercing through my ears. I looked at my phone, with the screen blinding my eyes. At the same moment, a new message appeared. Reluctantly I opened the message.

"Cyran, please stop," it read.

I let out a sigh and gazed down. I could hardly see the muddy water below. It was far down. Far enough.

"What?" I replied.

"don't do anything reckless, i'll be there soon"

"Wait. You really don't have to do that."

She was on her way here? Why? I did not want her to see me here like this. I did not want to be a burden for her. My thoughts were spinning while focusing on what Syndra would say once she got here. She could appear honest and harsh, but she always meant well. The type that would aggressively take care of her own and other's troubles, but not at all in a scary way. I adored that side of her.

I wiped a few raindrops of my phone screen and opened Spotify. I did not know when Syndra would arrive, so I thought I might as well listen to some music to try to calm my mind a bit. Places by Shlohmo was the first song to play. It was one of my favorites and made me feel like floating, but again, not in a scary way.

The smell of the cold rain dripping from my dark hair and the muddy lake below melted together. My leg was hanging over the edge with the shoelaces untied. There I sat and waited for Syndra, but why? I could just leave everything behind. It would be over quickly. I looked down again, only to see the water glaring back at me. A part of me wanted to leave this place, but another, greater part wanted to wait for Syndra. A part of me that wanted to feel Syndra's comfort once more, even if it was for the last time.

I spotted Syndra running towards me, her eyes teary. Before I could say anything, she leaped in for a hug and locked her arms around me. She felt somewhat fragile in my weak embrace. I did not expect a reaction like this. I thought I would be met by an unbearable amount of disappointment and disgust. It felt bad. I could not believe that I could think of my best friend that way. Of course she would be better than that, it is Syndra we are talking about after all.

"You scared me to death!" Syndra yelled into my shoulder before she went quiet. Then she suddenly grabbed my arms and locked her amber eyes into mine. Her eyes were digging into me, through me. I looked at her as a whole, trying to avoid her glance. She was soaked, but I could tell she had been sweating. Did she really run all the way out here this late, in this weather, just to see me?

"You really didn't have to come all the way out here," I mumbled while looking at the ground.

"How did you even know I was here?" I realized I never told Syndra where I were, it was odd that she knew that I would be on this bridge of all places. She moved away from me and took a seat at the concrete edge next to me.

"Oh, you know, just a hunch," she replied and shrugged her shoulders. I stared at her and raised my eyebrows. She was like an open book when it came to lying, I could always see right through her.

"Okay, fine. I went to your house and your mom said you weren't there. You haven't been like yourself lately, so I kinda knew you'd be out here," she said and tried to smile. Fair enough, I thought. I had not been hiding my mental state too well, and I guess it was easy for someone like her to see through it. I sighed and gazed across the horizon. A wave of shame raised over me.

"Why am I even here? I don't even want to leave," I said, mostly to myself, and tried to laugh it off. Syndra locked her eyes into mine once more. There was this sense of understanding in them, it somehow made me forget about everything else.

"Then don't" she said and moved closer to me.

"I know what this can feel like, but it doesn't have to end like this. We can get through this together, right?" she continued. Her eyes softened and she put on a warm smile. Being by Syndra's side made me forget about everything; the cold rain and slight wind, the hard concrete and the few cars that occasionally ran by. I smiled back, buried my face in her shoulder and let out a weak "okay".