Looking Down On The Clouds

Hey Stephen

Harry and I have been together for a few months now, nearly a year and surprisingly, not a single fan has picked up on our budding romance.

We've been very careful about where we go and how we interact. Keeping our displays of affection to a minimum when we are out and about.

To anyone on the outside we looked like we were just hanging out. This makes sense to fans as we have just recently worked on something together.

For all they know, that's what is happening.

What they have no idea about is what happens behind closed doors.

The way he is so soft and sweet. He always has to be touching me in one way or another. Whether it's holding my hand or his leg brushing mine, there's always some form of physical contact.

It may have only been a few months but we've already told each other that we love each other. I know. It's so fucking cheesy.

Lately though, well, the past week or so he seems different. We seem different.

We've both been busy in the studio without new music because yes, I'm a singer/songwriter too.

We met about a year ago when fans threw out the idea of us working together like a 'dream collab' thing and we saw it and have been working on it for a while. It's set to be released next month.

He just seems off around me. As much as we are careful around fans because he likes to keep our privacy, fans have started saying some things about our relationship. It doesn't bother me because I'm used to being the villain of the music world.

I write break up songs. I write them very well. Apparently I've had like 30 boyfriends which have all inspired one song or another but in reality I've had 4 boyfriends. Harry being one of them and now they are starting to piece things together. It's getting a bit much for him.

I tried to talk to him about it but he just shuts me down or dismisses me which Im not going to lie really fucking hurts. We normally tell each other everything.

So in my efforts to not let it get to me, I'm sitting here in the studio with my little battered notebook and my guitar.

Harry is in the next room finishing up the song we wrote together for his new album. It's called Canyon Moon and it may or not be based upon the night we told each other we loved each other. It was a very beautiful night.

I'm just writing whatever comes into my head and so far that's nothing. It's like the rift in the relationship is affecting my ability to write.

I can't help but feel like he's pulling away from me in some respects.

The end of the session had come around faster than I thought was humanly possible and I had very few words wrote down.

6, if we're being specific.

'Green eyes'

'Cheshire cat smile'

'Wonderland'

The first two are obvious as to who they're about. HIS eyes. HIS smile. Wonderland was an idea I threw out there because we fell asleep watching Alice in Wonderland the other day. It's my favourite film.

I made it back to my own apartment in record time. I was supposed to go to Harrys tonight but I just didn't feel up to it and honestly, I don't think he'll notice if I'm there or not anyway.

Greeting me as soon as I opened the door was Flash. He's my labrador/border collie cross. He's 8 year old but still has the energy of a 1 year old puppy. After taking him for a walk and feeding him and cooking something to eat, I sat down in my floral chair and wrapped myself in the blanket Harry's mum had made for me for christmas.