Risk [Levi Ackerman]✔️

Seventy One

I wasn't dead. At least, not yet. The wonder of if Edward wanted to leave me here to die or finish the job haunted me.

Time was something I couldn't control, let alone have. With the current state I was in, I was sure Death would greet me sooner than they hoped. Left in the dark with nothing but my shallow breathing to fill my ears only made the waiting all the more unbearable.

Edward nor the others came to check on me. It was like after the punishment I received had filled their desires only temporarily. I only had a vague memory of that though.

I do remember the unbearable pain and the sharp sensation of leather being slapped onto my bare skin. I remember how I screamed and writhed under the pain wishing for it to all go away. But by the seventh lash I had lost conscious.

I had only woken up a few moments ago to realize I laid on my stomach with a terrible ache radiating throughout my body. Dried blood caked my back, the shirt I wore was now in tatters and stained with my blood. Despite the wounds being freshly closed I knew I lost a good amount of blood.

My hazy vision was enough proof. Laying here I've realized my head felt somewhat lighter. It took all my energy to move my head and when I did I grimaced at the action.

There was an unnatural coolness over my neck and back, nothing had covered the exposed skin. My hair was gone, the long locks of chestnut hair were cut. Now it was nothing but a matted mess that went down just above my shoulders.

I grimace at the thought of Edward or the others chopping off my hair. I wasn't sure why they did it but I was damn sure they enjoyed seeing me look pathetic.

There was truth to those words, I was pathetic. A pathetic human who was selfish to the core. Edward made sure he'd drilled that deeper into my head.

With each lash, each impact upon my bare skin he'd scream that repeatedly. Someone like me needed to die. Someone like me who only cared for themselves and threw away the lives of many were worst than scum.

So I lay there knowing I would die alone. No one would save me, who would? I drove Chris to his death.

Threw the lives away of the nineteen Scouts like they were cattle. I knew what the costs were when I took up that mission. Knew what I was getting everyone into when I argued with Erwin. And it costed the lives of many.

My memories came rushing back like a broken dam. The screams of those dead soldiers, Chris's screams, were starting to become unbearable. It was more painful than any physical pain Edward could inflict on me.

It was like a sharp knife was being pushed through my chest and into my heart. Knowing that I failed all those Scouts, that I failed him was the worse pain I could deal with. My body shook regardless of the protests my muscles gave.

God, I wanted to die. I deserved it. Deserved to burn in hell for the pain I cost.

I let down Chris. Let down everyone I led that day. I deserved more than what Edward sent my way.

A lone memory suddenly flickers in my mind. My eyes widen while my breathing stops only for a short moment. Out of all the times I've suffered, out of all the times I cried myself to sleep, I had to remember that promise I made to him.

I grind my teeth harshly. It was like he wanted to remind me just exactly how cold I was. How quick I was to abandon everything we hoped for.

'Starting tomorrow we'll be offering up our lives for humanity.' He'd said with a small nod.

I had nodded back, all too nervous about what would lay before us. I didn't say anything. Couldn't.